Me and my bump

Molly Whitehead-Jones - 11 Jun 15

Very soon, my baby bump is due to be replaced by an actual baby.

It’s hard to imagine as I sit here with my achy back, swollen ankles and ever-present urge to pee, but people tell me that I’ll miss being pregnant.

So, before we permanently part ways, I thought I’d take a second to chart the turbulent – but ultimately very special – relationship I’ve had with my ever-growing belly over the last nine months.

1-3 months: Barely there

Pregnancy panic – I start dressing in baggier clothes and spend a large proportion of the day subtly casting my eyes downwards to check my ‘belly’ isn’t protruding (it’s not, of course, because I DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE ONE).

Also spend a lot of time looking at myself side on in the mirror for any clue of the life that’s growing inside.

Sort of wish it would make an appearance so I’d have something to show for all the morning sickness and crippling exhaustion.

4-6 months: Optimum bump time

Loving life – bump is diminutive and cute, and I’m still almost as mobile as I was pre-pregnancy.

Pick up the exciting first flutters of movement inside, then get intensely paranoid if I don’t think I’ve felt anything for a few hours.

Start to accept that my body will never be the same again after pregnancy. Banish numerous playsuits and ‘skinny’ dresses to the back of the wardrobe to try and diminish the harshness of this realisation…

…Then go on a spending spree in the Topshop Maternity department.

6-8 months: Mega massive

Bump starts getting very much in the way – I find myself squinting at my computer screen because I can no longer get as close as I could to my desk and having to psyche myself up before bending over for anything.

Default walking stance becomes a full on waddle with one hand under bump to combat the ‘seems like it’s going to fall out’ feeling.

Notice strangers eying me warily and that people can’t get out of my way quick enough as I shuffle along the street. Also get a lot of old ladies smiling at me (lovely).

As opposed to the last phase when most movements could have been mistaken for tummy rumbles, baby’s now regularly booting me in the ribs, lurching across my stomach and hiccuping. I spend a lot of time staring at my bump, watching as movements roll across the surface – and am constantly surprised by how normal this once alien-like squirming now feels to me.

Bulk-buy maxi dresses from Primark.

Being able to extract my bra from the ever-diminishing gap between my boobs and bump and lying down in bed becomes the highlight of my day, when I thank god for pregnancy pillows and hope I can get a solid three hours’ sleep in before the first toilet trip’s in order.

I can’t imagine that it can possibly get much bigger. Then, of course, it does…

8-9 months: Whale-like proportions

Completely immobile 70% of the time; other 30% of time spent thinking about the next opportunity I’ll get to sit down.

Maternity jeans become totally useless – it’s tent dresses only from here on out.

Start getting anxious whenever I realise there isn’t a toilet within 50 feet.

Bump now has the ability to go totally rock hard at random. Very weird feeling.

Permanent ‘outie’.

The ‘strangers looking worried for me’ amps up a level; imagine supermarket staff and coffee shop owners breathing a sigh of a relief when I finally waddle out without having dropped the sprog right there and then.

My new favourite thing is floating around the local pool – the weightlessness is bliss; I’m not sure the lifeguards enjoy my being there so much (see above).

The movements from the baby within become intensely strong and purposeful, and the reality of the impending new arrival completely impossible to ignore.

Can’t wait to not be pregnant – to be able to do things at a normal pace and to walk for more than 20ft without getting breathless. But, to be honest, can’t fully remember what it was like before bump came along either…

Molly Whitehead-Jones

Molly Whitehead-Jones is a first-time mum living in Manchester and founder of Mamas Collective, a mums group that offers meetups, workshops & events for savvy, super-cool mamas who love their kids but won’t let motherhood hold them back.

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