Me FIRST, not me too

Emma While - 14 Oct 20

I am really not a fan of the ‘me too, not me first’ message.  In fact I really hate it.

For 4 reasons…

1. It perpetuates the very myth it’s purporting to standing against...that self care is selfish. That selfish is a dirty word.   It’s like using the word ‘but’…it negates everything that came before it. “I matter…oh but not too much, sorry don’t get me wrong, I’m not selfish, I mean I only matter a bit”.  We really need to stop apologising for ourselves. It says that as women & mothers we can attend to our own needs…but mustn’t be so bold or audacious as to expect to have them met first, we are only allowed to have them met ‘as well’.  As well still means afterwards.

2. When boarding a plane, one is not asked to put on one’s own mask ‘too’.  One is required to put on one’s own mask FIRST. For a reason.  Because we are literally no good to anybody otherwise.  You can’t pour from an empty cup.  You cannot give, love, be present with, meet the needs of anybody else, until you’ve done it for yourself.

3. That’s not how time, money, energy work.  If we go through life expecting there to be little random bits of money and time floating around for us ‘too’, after everything else has taken their share…there will be none left.  It’s just how it works.  Time and money get used up unless we intentionally and consciously direct them somewhere else, set some aside on purpose, for a purpose.  By saying ‘me too’, we subconsciously mean…if there’s any left.  There won’t be.  Me first or it won’t happen.  And it needs to happen…see point 2.  For generations mothers others have put themselves right at the end of their to do lists, if at all.  We get stuck there…we need moving to the top.  See point 2.

4. WE are the parents.  WE are the alpha.  Our children NEED us to be running this show (even if it doesn’t feel like it half the time).  We are paving the way, setting the example, shining the light, clearing the path, modelling…they are watching, learning, assimilating.  I don’t want my son to think of himself as ‘me too’.  I want him to love, acknowledge and honour himself FIRST.  But until we change this ridiculous paradigm (one of very many within the constructs and confines of the patriarchal and capitalist world in which we live), that’s exactly what will happen.  Somebody somewhere needs to stand up and say no.  This is bullsh*t.  No more.  That’s OUR job…to show our children that it is ok to value and honour yourself enough to recognise and meet your own needs. FIRST. And that no, it isn’t selfish, it’s for the good of us all, for our families, for our communities, for our world.

So please, no more apathetic, polite, flimsy, apologetic ‘me too’…much more me FIRST please.

It’s important.  It’s really really important.

Emma While

I’m Emma While, the founder of Courage & Chamomile, and I’m passionate about empowering mothers like you to not just believe in themselves as a mother, but to believe in & BECOME their full selves within & beyond motherhood. To find more wild-hearted purpose & open-hearted joy beyond the day to day trudge. To consciously curate a more aligned, balanced, meaningful & fulfilling motherhood experience. For the good of ourselves, our family & this world we call home. I’m a NLP practitioner, coach, teacher, international family sleep & wellbeing specialist, mindfulness teacher & motherhood mentor. And, I’ve worked with hundreds of mothers just like you: Who know they have a spark within them that needs to get out… And who are ready to say YES to becoming who they truly are so they can create the life, purpose, & family they know they deserve. If you're ready to BECOME that woman go to www.courageandchamomile.com/become to unleash your magic x

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