View as: GRID LIST
Modern Timetable
4:35am: Wake up with great certainly that someone is braking into the house
4:36am: Discover that no one is breaking into the house
4:36.5am: Question sanity
4:37am: Consider getting that workout out of the way early since you are already up
4:37.5am: Reconsider
6:30am: Wake up again when someone belonging to you is actually breaking in (to your bed that is)
6:32am: Turn on TV to buy one Peppa Pig episode’s worth of extra sleep
6:42am: Find that you watched the entire episode instead of sleeping
7:01am: Feed
7:12am: Clear untouched plates and feed second carb-based breakfast
7:20am: Wonder why you never invested in a 4 slice toaster
7:30am: Opt for carb-based breakfast yourself, while making mental plans for a salad for lunch
8:00am: Crap!! It’s 8 already?!?!
8:10am: Yell at kids to get ready for school
8:20am: Repeat
8:30am: Repeat
8:40am: Repeat with threats
8:41 – 9:20am: School run and coffee run
9:30am: More coffee
10:00am: Play with
10:01am: Think about all the things you should be doing instead of playing with toddler
10:02am: Stress about all the things not getting done around the house
10:03am: Wonder about that career you gave up to do all these things around the house….and play with toddler
10:04am: Worry about what career you will have after toddler is no longer a toddler
10:05am: Question all your life’s choices
10:06am: Look at happy toddler and be happy about life choices
10:07am: Be sad that toddler is growing up so fast
10:08am:
10:09am: Resolve to get a dog instead
10:10am: Begin researching dogs on iPhone
10:11am: Have iPhone taken by toddler
10:12am – 12:25pm: Survive
12:30pm: Eat lunch of toast crusts left behind by kids – remember forgotten salad plans, workout plans and plans to personally end gun violence in America
12:31pm: Naptime!
1:31pm: Toddler finally falls asleep. Question if the hour’s long effort is worth the 40 minute nap, then create a list of all things that NEED to get done while that child
1:32pm: Fall asleep on pen, droll on “to do” list
2:10pm: Everyone up! Head to grocery store for dinner supplies
3:00pm: Empty bags to find you bought only wine and 7 different types of now eaten snacks used to bribe toddler to get through the market
3:15pm: Pick up kids and start the mental countdown until bedtime – 5 hours to go!
4:30pm: While kids play, consider running a marathon, finally getting around to making a sourdough starter, and/or writing a manifesto that will end the Syrian refugee crisis
4:32pm: Find
6:05pm: Lice crisis solved! Now time to consider a plan to gain support for impeachment of the U.S. President
6:07pm: Crap dinner! Make dinner, feed dinner, pour wine – you earned it!
6:35pm: Make mental list of all the things you need to do the second your spouse gets home. Be proud of how productive you will be
6:40pm: Spouse home, start dishes, start homework, forget about productivity list
8:00pm: Crap! It’s 8 already?!?
8:01pm – 8:35pm: Fight to get kids ready and
8:40pm: Revisit productivity list
8:41pm: Decide to spend last hour of the day founding a charity that leads to world peace
8:42pm: Decide on watch tv instead
8:43pm: Fall asleep on sofa
REPEAT