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Money Can’t Buy You Love…?

1
Having spent the better part of my teenage years besotted with the Beatles (John, in particular – hours were spent watching ’Imagine’ and trying to make sense of ’Two Virgins’); I’d always thought their wisdom pretty sound. Let it be? Great advice. We can work it out? I’m sure we can. Take a sad song and make it better? I’ll do my best. However, since signing up for the NCT before the birth of my daughter almost three years ago, I’m not convinced that Messrs Lennon and McCartney were correct about the inability of cash to enable you to purchase
SelfishMother.com
2
some warm and fuzzy feels…

I was lucky enough to be able to afford one of their signature course, desperately hoping it would be buy me some parenting wisdom and reassure me that it might just be possible for me to be someone’s mother. However, I did not bank on it buying me friendship.

I’d heard a lot of people be a bit sniffy about friends made at antenatal classes or playgroups – ”I’ve already got enough friends, I don’t need any more just because I’m having a baby” – so I wasn’t sure how our WhatsApp group would pan out, but believe

SelfishMother.com
3
me when I say these ladies have saved me. For the record, I do have plenty of friends: old school friends, uni friends, friends I’ve made through work, hobbies, studying – but none of these friends combined the three key criteria which my wonderful mum friends have: proximity, availability and being in the same boat. Sure, lots of my friends have little children, but they don’t live close by. Plenty of my friends live within a half hour drive of my house, but none of them are around during the day. And none of my existing friends had a baby in the same
SelfishMother.com
4
month as I did. Wonderful as my old life friends have been (and continue to be), the last few years has shown me that I did need actually need some new friends too.

The eight women with whom I’ve shared the last three years aren’t necessarily people I’d have met in other circumstances and we’re certainly all very different; being friends with them has not only taught me lots about being a mother, but plenty about being a friend too.  Another criticism levelled at ’mum friends’ is the notion that friendship depends on you having something

SelfishMother.com
5
fundamentally in common with prospective chums in order to get along with them.  I’ve got loads in common with some of NCT ladies and next to nothing with others, but you know what?  It doesn’t matter.  In the same way that they only thing I had in common with my uni mates at the start was the fact that were assigned the same corridor to live in, or that I was born in the same academic year as my school friends; our friendships have grown (along with our babies) regardless of how much or how little we were alike 3 years ago.

Mothering is hard and

SelfishMother.com
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without the blanket/safety net/cup of tea of love provided by these women, it would have been a much sadder and lonely place.  My two hundred-ish quid has bought me:

The one who can be counted on for a laugh.
The one who makes amazing snacks.
The one who does the most fantastic research, so I don’t have to.
The one who is optimistic and looks forward to everything.
The one who always looks amazing and has a can-do attitude to match.
The one you can count for an honest comment.
The one who is more resilient than she knows.
The

SelfishMother.com
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wise one.

And now I wouldn’t be without them.  But just as importantly, that BACS transfer of 2015 has bought love in spades for my daughter.  She’s pretty adored by her family already, but now she has an army of ’aunties’ with open arms and open hearts – any of whom I would trust my little pickle with.  And it’s bought her a gang.  Our bumps have grown into a tight little crew, who play, squabble and have pesty faces that light up when they see each other.  Through this mob of nine, my daughter is learning what it is to be a friend and I

SelfishMother.com
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hope (at least some of) the bonds she’s formed will last throughout her childhood and even beyond.

So, although Paul and John might have been wrong when they sang ’Money Can’t Buy Me Love’; the last few years have certainly confirmed that they were on the button with ’I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends.’

SelfishMother.com

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- 24 Oct 18

Having spent the better part of my teenage years besotted with the Beatles (John, in particular – hours were spent watching ‘Imagine’ and trying to make sense of ‘Two Virgins’); I’d always thought their wisdom pretty sound. Let it be? Great advice. We can work it out? I’m sure we can. Take a sad song and make it better? I’ll do my best. However, since signing up for the NCT before the birth of my daughter almost three years ago, I’m not convinced that Messrs Lennon and McCartney were correct about the inability of cash to enable you to purchase some warm and fuzzy feels…

I was lucky enough to be able to afford one of their signature course, desperately hoping it would be buy me some parenting wisdom and reassure me that it might just be possible for me to be someone’s mother. However, I did not bank on it buying me friendship.

I’d heard a lot of people be a bit sniffy about friends made at antenatal classes or playgroups – “I’ve already got enough friends, I don’t need any more just because I’m having a baby” – so I wasn’t sure how our WhatsApp group would pan out, but believe me when I say these ladies have saved me. For the record, I do have plenty of friends: old school friends, uni friends, friends I’ve made through work, hobbies, studying – but none of these friends combined the three key criteria which my wonderful mum friends have: proximity, availability and being in the same boat. Sure, lots of my friends have little children, but they don’t live close by. Plenty of my friends live within a half hour drive of my house, but none of them are around during the day. And none of my existing friends had a baby in the same month as I did. Wonderful as my old life friends have been (and continue to be), the last few years has shown me that I did need actually need some new friends too.

The eight women with whom I’ve shared the last three years aren’t necessarily people I’d have met in other circumstances and we’re certainly all very different; being friends with them has not only taught me lots about being a mother, but plenty about being a friend too.  Another criticism levelled at ‘mum friends’ is the notion that friendship depends on you having something fundamentally in common with prospective chums in order to get along with them.  I’ve got loads in common with some of NCT ladies and next to nothing with others, but you know what?  It doesn’t matter.  In the same way that they only thing I had in common with my uni mates at the start was the fact that were assigned the same corridor to live in, or that I was born in the same academic year as my school friends; our friendships have grown (along with our babies) regardless of how much or how little we were alike 3 years ago.

Mothering is hard and without the blanket/safety net/cup of tea of love provided by these women, it would have been a much sadder and lonely place.  My two hundred-ish quid has bought me:

  1. The one who can be counted on for a laugh.
  2. The one who makes amazing snacks.
  3. The one who does the most fantastic research, so I don’t have to.
  4. The one who is optimistic and looks forward to everything.
  5. The one who always looks amazing and has a can-do attitude to match.
  6. The one you can count for an honest comment.
  7. The one who is more resilient than she knows.
  8. The wise one.

And now I wouldn’t be without them.  But just as importantly, that BACS transfer of 2015 has bought love in spades for my daughter.  She’s pretty adored by her family already, but now she has an army of ‘aunties’ with open arms and open hearts – any of whom I would trust my little pickle with.  And it’s bought her a gang.  Our bumps have grown into a tight little crew, who play, squabble and have pesty faces that light up when they see each other.  Through this mob of nine, my daughter is learning what it is to be a friend and I hope (at least some of) the bonds she’s formed will last throughout her childhood and even beyond.

So, although Paul and John might have been wrong when they sang ‘Money Can’t Buy Me Love’; the last few years have certainly confirmed that they were on the button with ‘I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends.’

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An arts-administrating, play-directing, workshop-leading, teacher-training Essex woman and mum to Mathilda.

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