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Motherhood and Choice

1
Its 2016, and we have *a lot* of choice. Choice when it comes to our food, clothes, sofas, books, films, dog breeds, boyfriends, sex toys…you name it.

But do we *really* have a choice, as mothers? Or is it always going to be the whole Stay At Home vs Work Elsewhere debate?

I feel so lucky. I have found balance between work and motherhood. Sure, my “balance” is spinning about 20 plates at a time and normally I only drop 5 of them. Sure, I’ve forgotten baby wipes, I buy snacks because making them just ain’t gonna happen and I’ve missed

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2
class parties and school events. But with both my husband and I working irregular shifts and the kids being at various childminders, we’re still happy and healthy at the end of the day, so that’s what works for us.

My best friend is a Stay At Home Parent. And she’s so happy doing that. She sometimes feels the very real strain of never having a day off (with her 6 kids! Wow!), and I complain about not always being home for my kids when I want to be. Grass is greener. But sometimes I wonder, if we could have the option of designing our

SelfishMother.com
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Motherhoods.. what would that be like? Shouldn’t there be more choice?

How about:

The choice to bring your kid to work? The choice to have semi-flexible hours just in case you have to race your son to A&E? The choice to have a longer, better paid maternity leave? The choice to stay at work longer and work subsidising a consistent after-school childcare provider? Job Shares? The choice where mothers get paid a reasonable amount in their jobs so that the dads can stay at home with the kids? Better support financially and emotionally for women

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who choose to be stay at home parents? An acknowledgement of the hard work motherhood is if / when these women choose to return to employment?

Some of these, or all of them, may seem unreasonable, but entertaining the discussion at least would be nice, you know? Why can’t we *all* have a voice about the choice we fantasise about having? Every story is different, every voice is different. Why not listen to all of them, even if we can’t be guaranteed that choice? Isn’t listening part of the important stuff? Being heard?

If you are that mother, I

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see you. I hear you.

So. How can we help those mothers without choice? We start by talking about it, by challenging negativity one way or another. We speak up to employers and unions and politicians. We ask questions about flexible working hours, job shares, benefits for SAHP and affordable, realistic childcare (because not all jobs are Mon-Fri 9-5. Come on now). We can use our voice to ask for change and what better time to start?

This is something we can all potentially change. I would love it if all mothers had the option of choice, and I want

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one day, for my daughter to grow up in a world where she might be able to *actually* have it too.
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- 17 Mar 16

Its 2016, and we have *a lot* of choice. Choice when it comes to our food, clothes, sofas, books, films, dog breeds, boyfriends, sex toys…you name it.

But do we *really* have a choice, as mothers? Or is it always going to be the whole Stay At Home vs Work Elsewhere debate?

I feel so lucky. I have found balance between work and motherhood. Sure, my “balance” is spinning about 20 plates at a time and normally I only drop 5 of them. Sure, I’ve forgotten baby wipes, I buy snacks because making them just ain’t gonna happen and I’ve missed class parties and school events. But with both my husband and I working irregular shifts and the kids being at various childminders, we’re still happy and healthy at the end of the day, so that’s what works for us.

My best friend is a Stay At Home Parent. And she’s so happy doing that. She sometimes feels the very real strain of never having a day off (with her 6 kids! Wow!), and I complain about not always being home for my kids when I want to be. Grass is greener. But sometimes I wonder, if we could have the option of designing our Motherhoods.. what would that be like? Shouldn’t there be more choice?

How about:

The choice to bring your kid to work? The choice to have semi-flexible hours just in case you have to race your son to A&E? The choice to have a longer, better paid maternity leave? The choice to stay at work longer and work subsidising a consistent after-school childcare provider? Job Shares? The choice where mothers get paid a reasonable amount in their jobs so that the dads can stay at home with the kids? Better support financially and emotionally for women who choose to be stay at home parents? An acknowledgement of the hard work motherhood is if / when these women choose to return to employment?

Some of these, or all of them, may seem unreasonable, but entertaining the discussion at least would be nice, you know? Why can’t we *all* have a voice about the choice we fantasise about having? Every story is different, every voice is different. Why not listen to all of them, even if we can’t be guaranteed that choice? Isn’t listening part of the important stuff? Being heard?

If you are that mother, I see you. I hear you.

So. How can we help those mothers without choice? We start by talking about it, by challenging negativity one way or another. We speak up to employers and unions and politicians. We ask questions about flexible working hours, job shares, benefits for SAHP and affordable, realistic childcare (because not all jobs are Mon-Fri 9-5. Come on now). We can use our voice to ask for change and what better time to start?

This is something we can all potentially change. I would love it if all mothers had the option of choice, and I want one day, for my daughter to grow up in a world where she might be able to *actually* have it too.

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Mother of two. Wife of one. Other titles include firefighter, cheese lover, outdoorsy, chatty and annoying.

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