Motherhood…the good, the bad and the ugly side.

Michelle Ginieres - 7 Feb 16

I’ve recently thought of myself as not a particularly maternal person, however, I felt some need to have a baby to move forward in my life, almost a societal must have once you get married. In contrast when I was younger, I always envisioned myself having babies (multiple) at a young(er) age. I look back now in hindsight and thank some higher being that I didn’t. Perhaps I would have been ready, perhaps not? Maybe your never really ready?
Don’t get me wrong I love motherhood now. My daughter is my life, but I found my life ‘difficult’ at first.
I almost went into pregnancy thinking that a baby would ‘fix me’, alas this was far from the dream.
I would say I am a very lucky mother in that (so far) my 13 week old daughter is very well behaved and sleeps through. Doesn’t really cry and is usually full of laughs and smiles, I however still find myself getting angry when she fusses for her dummy at 2am.
It scares me how annoyed I get sometimes and I was not ready for that emotion, or all the other emotions I now currently go through on a daily basis, from being a fairly strong emotional being to one that cries at everything and goes from happy to angry to sad in the blink of an eye, this was an adjustment.
I’ve heard of ‘baby blues’ and I did experience them at the beginning. I’m not sure whether to put it down to changes in hormones or not, but I still almost ‘mourn’ my previous life sometimes or I struggle to think of new exciting activities to keep my daughter entertained and this sometimes gets me down. I feel like I’m not a good mother at times. I look at other people and friends and I feel like they enjoy every second of parenting. I realise this may be Facebook life or Instagram life and not ‘real’ life but I still find myself comparing.
I think the overall point of my post is that motherhood changes you significantly and it’s a love hate relationship sometimes, that I am very glad I undertook, regardless of societal pressures or the idea that it would complete my life. In reality I don’t think life is complete until you die, so I look forward to more challenges along the way, however at the moment I don’t see that being multiple children!! Mothers of multiple young people or twins, you will forever be my heroes!!
If anyone else feels that they should feel the ultimate connection and bond with their child and an immense love for motherhood as soon as their baby is born, and they worry they don’t feel this, it’s ok. You are not alone and you are not a bad mother. Give yourself time and ask for help when you need it. I love my daughter more and more everyday and I love being a mum more and more and I’m sure eventually I will feel comfortable with my life again.

Michelle Ginieres

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