Have you got a MUM Crush?

Molly Whitehead-Jones - 28 Dec 15

I have to come clean: despite being way past puberty and with a five-month old to occupy my every waking hour, I’ve got about a dozen gooey-eyed crushes on the go at the moment… But the objects of my affection aren’t your Ryan Goslings or Idris Elbas of this world; they’re other mamas.

My mum crushing habits started before I’d even properly entered motherhood myself. A few months after I found out I was expecting, I noticed a much-more-pregnant lady with a distinct Alexa Chung-vibe getting on at the tram stop after mine. I looked out for her from then on and watched as her impeccably dressed bump grew from significant to gargantuan until, one day, she was no longer making the daily commute. I actually missed seeing her; I wondered how she was, and what her undoubtedly beautiful baby would be like.

A few weeks after I gave birth myself, I got all over excited when I finally saw the object of my affection again in the local supermarket and trailed her – plus her equally hip partner and, yes, unmistakably gorgeous little ’un – along the chilled aisles, hoping to absorb some of her new mum poise and stylishness by proxy. I didn’t actually talk to her, though; I feared that, in my ‘lady with a newborn’, sleep-deprived state, I’d start babbling and come off all-crazy like. Plus they say never meet your heroes, right?

I’ve had similar – though slightly less stalkerish – experiences since, spotting well-turned-out mothers who seem to have it all together from afar and instantly falling a little bit in love with them.

During the fuzz of late-night feeds and sofa-bound evenings that came along with my new baba, I’ve discovered there are tons of admiration-worthy mums online too – and I’ve fallen hard for a ton of them. Really, I’m a tad ashamed of the amount of hours I’ve spent glued to my social media accounts over the last few months, scrolling through pictures of cool mamas and their equally awesome offspring, when I probably should have been doing some postnatal yoga/clearing out the junk drawer/reading a baby book instead.

So what’s the reason I’ve found myself obsessing over all these women I’ve never even properly met? Truth be told, new motherhood has proved to be a lonely time for me – I’ve found that, other than our ability to grow a person, I don’t always have much in common with the mums I happen to meet at baby sensory class. As a consequence, I’ve often felt lost in the face of this most-massive-ever life adjustment. Though I’ve always enjoyed having women to look up to, it’s become even more important to me now that I’m trying to establish what the hell’s supposed to happen post-baby and also decide what kind of mum I want to be.

The hard-working, pioneering social media mamas I follow have proven an invaluable lifeline for me, and they’ve all taught me something different: Zoe de Pass a.k.a. Dress Like a Mum got me to stop clinging to safe elasticated waists and sent me rifling through the rails at M&S (who knew they sold such on-trend stuff?!); ‘Mother Pukka’ Anna Whitehouse has shown me that a sense of humour can get you through any parenting crisis; and, of course, Selfish Mother’s Molly Gunn has given me hope that mums can remain be ambitious, pithy and witty.

I’m not naïve enough to think that the lives of my mama idols are quite as perfect as their Instagram pics suggest (and, in fact, lots of them wear the fact that they’re just muddling through motherhood as a badge of honour). Know this yourself, and your online mum crushes too will end up being just like the type you had on the school heartthrob as a teenager; harmless, a great source of fun, and only ever damaging if you start letting them affect your own confidence.

And your real-life ones? Well, that mama you’re admiring in the Pret queue or see all the time at the bus stop might just be looking for a like-minded friend too. My plan from now on is to take my courage in my hands, go say ‘hi’, and, who knows, my crush might just turn into true love.

Molly Whitehead-Jones

Molly Whitehead-Jones is a first-time mum living in Manchester and founder of Mamas Collective, a mums group that offers meetups, workshops & events for savvy, super-cool mamas who love their kids but won’t let motherhood hold them back.

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