Mum-Guilt Destroyed My Life

Aine Homer - 5 Jul 19

Mum-guilt was a massive factor for me for a long number of years.

It stopped me from breaking free of my #PND (this took 4 years). And looking back, I wish I did many things differently.

Both of my babies had reflux. And we had no support for months and months to help them. I was told so many times that “reflux was normal”, that they would grow out if it and that because they were gaining weight, they couldn’t have reflux.

These lies contributed to my mum-guilt.

Why could I not help my baby to sleep?

Clearly the doctors thought there was nothing wrong with my baby so logically, the only answer could be that it was me, and not my baby if she didn’t have reflux.

Obviously it must be my fault. I was the one feeding her. I was the one trying to help her sleep 90% of the time, it was all on me.

Hindsight is amazing for sure.

And years of learning have shown me that actually my babies both had reflux, and there was nothing else I could have done with the knowledge I had at the time.

I can say, hand on heart, that I have always made the best decision I could for my children with the information I had at the time. Yet the guilt was horrific.

Between the guilt I felt for being such a fabulous failure as a mum and my complete inability to help my baby, I lost my identity, I lost myself and I lost all direction in life.

My life was unrecognisable from who I was before kids and in the depths of it, I couldn’t possibly see my way back. In truth, i didn’t find a way back, I found a new life. And a life that I couldn’t have imagined before children. And that took a lot of effort, personal investigation and transformation.

Before children, I was passionate about life.

During the first three years of parenting I questioned the decision of having children. I questioned why I had done this and felt so disheartened that I had probably made the worst decision of my life.

Thankfully, I am passionate about life again now. And I love being mum. And this took all the effort.

My biggest learning from this amazing hindsight, is to take action.

Turn any negative feelings into positive action.

Because something inside you is telling you that you already know more than the doctors about your baby.

Make a decision for yourself.

Decide to let go of the guilt.

Decide to be free of it.

Let it go.

And yes, it CAN be that easy if you want it to be.

I have nothing to be guilty about. I have done nothing wrong. In every day that I have lived, I have made decisions about what to do, where to go, who to be friends with, how to engage, what to take at face value and what to question further, what to eat, what not to eat, what to say and how to say it. And as a result of all these decisions I am the person you see today.

And I’m not perfect and nor do I want to be.

I have made decisions that changed my baby’s life. I made decisions about what I would believe from the doctors and what I would question. I decided not to accept the “drugs will fix it” answer. I decided to help ourselves.

As a result of those decisions I have a new job, a new life and a meaning to my life that sees my work changing other families lives.

You have nothing to be guilty about.

You are the perfect mum for your baby. Guaranteed. No-one else could do a better job.

This is exactly what I help my clients with… turning life around, resolving reflux and then helping you see that you are the most amazing mother for your baby.

Will you commit today to letting go of that guilt so that you can be a better you, and a better mum?

Aine Homer

Becoming a mum changed Aine Homer, far more than she ever bargained for. Her inconsolable baby girl couldn't be out of her arms, screamed day and night, didn't sleep and Aine was told that this was normal, and that she needed to toughen up. The chronic sleep deprivation lead to a long acquaintance with post natal depression. Her unique background of mechanical engineering and Traditional Chinese Medicine however, wouldn't accept these answers. She knew in her heart that there was something going on for her baby. With diagnoses of colic followed by silent reflux and then cow's milk protein allergy, Aine's daughter continued to suffer with no answers from the healthcare system. Aine's belief that there is always a cause for something lead her on a path of discovery. After months of research, reading and figuring things out, Aine discovered the causes of reflux and she resolved her baby's suffering where others had not been previously able to help. Her stint with post natal depression lasted three years and resulted in Aine asking many questions including "did I make a mistake becoming a mum?", "is being parents going to ruin my marriage?" She made her escape from post natal depression when she vowed to herself to use her knowledge to save other families the suffering hers had endured. She wrote and published The Baby Reflux Lady's Survival Guide and truly became The Baby Reflux Lady.

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