Mummy is the word

Shakira Shute - 10 Mar 16

I never thought I’d be a stay at home mum. It was never something I wanted. Not because I didn’t value it, but because I just couldn’t see myself not working. My mum had always worked. I grew up watching her become more and more successful in her job and saw how much pride she took, and still takes, in it. I have so many memories of me standing behind my mum, watching in the mirror as she got dressed for work. I remember all her beautiful dresses and jackets, the statement brooches and smart “hee highls” she wore to work, dreaming of the day that I would get to dress like that. I have always looked up to my mum. I have always wanted to be just like her, and I suppose that because she went back to work after each of her children I just assumed I would too.

But my mum didn’t have a choice. She had to go back to work, and on top of that she had to go back far earlier than she wanted to – like most families, my parents couldn’t survive on one salary. Of course, I never saw that part, or I was too young to remember, and so my memories are just of seeing how mum made it work for her, for us. I am incredibly proud of her and am so thankful for everything she has done. She is the best role model and I only hope I can be as successful as she has been in both her career and as a mother.

Of course, for the last 12 years, I have also had another strong and inspiring female figure in my life: my mother in law is quite possibly the most amazing mother in law anyone could ever ask for. I have always known she was a keeper. Even if J and I hadn’t worked out, I was planning on kidnapping her and keeping her as my mother in law anyway – she’s that good! She also went back to work soon after having both of her children, and has also been intimidatingly successful in her career. Again, I look up to her and always thought I would follow in her footsteps by returning to work and continuing my pursuit of a successful career. But then along came Canada, and along came the opportunity for me to have a choice about what I do – return to work straight away or live a little first.

I’ve mentioned in a previous post (here) that, before J was offered the job in Vancouver, I was all geared up for returning to work after my glooorious 13month maternity leave. When I was pregnant, and throughout my maternity leave, people often asked whether I had ever considered not going back. I was a lawyer, and family and friends were concerned that the hours I would be working would mean I’d see very little of E. I always responded in the same way – there were so many other women working flexible hours at my firm that I knew it was possible to work and be a great mummy. I also knew that I loved my job and I wanted E to look up to me in the same way I had looked up to my mum. I wanted her to know that she can be whatever she wants to be. I still want all of those things for E, but I realise now that I don’t have to go back to work straight away to ensure they happen. Moving to Vancouver has allowed me to make a decision that I don’t think I would have made otherwise. I’ve decided to be a full time mummy for the next few years, and I have never been happier.

I didn’t make that decision straight away though. After we’d settled into our new home and E and I started to make some new friends, I began to look into what I would need to do to re-qualify as a lawyer in BC. It’s insane! I went to a good University and got a respectable 2:1, I then did a law conversion course, took the LPC (legal practice course), trained for 2 years at a law firm and spent another 3 years working as a qualified lawyer. Despite all that, in BC, in order to be able to practice law, I would need to (in the briefest of briefs): have all my qualifications verified; revise for and take at least 5 (but potentially more) 3hr exams; once I’ve passed those exams and received my certificate of qualification (which may take some time to process), apply to law firms for an articling position; article at a law firm for 9months full time (no guarantee that I could get part time, and if I could then I would be articling for a lot longer). Given that we came to Vancouver with the idea that we’d be here for 2-3 years, re-qualifying isn’t really an option for me at the moment. I’m not saying I’m never going to work again – in fact, I fully intend to return to work at some point – but I am saying that for the next couple of years I’m going to enjoy this time I have with E. I am going to make the most of it, because an opportunity like this doesn’t come around very often.

The other day I saw that an old friend, who moved from Australia to America a few years ago, had posted on Facebook that she is about to return to work after 3 years and 2 children. This gave me a big confidence boost, and reminded me that I can go back to work or re-qualify as a lawyer whenever I want (if I want). It’s a pretty nice position to be in. And in the meantime, now that E is a bit older, I’ve decided to carve out some time in the day to do something for myself. That’s why I started this blog – and hopefully some of those brain cells, that I’m pretty sure have been slowly dying over the last 19months, will gradually start to come back!

As well as this blog, I’ve also finally started writing my children’s book. It’s taken me a while to figure out how to turn a world I created when I was 6 years old into a children’s book, but I think I might have cracked it. So that’s been keeping me busy – that and entertaining a growing toddler, dealing with tantrums, teaching E that we don’t grab/pinch/pull/push other kids (it’s a tough time), helping her develop her language, and generally keeping a little human being alive. It’s been a crazy 6 months and so much has changed in our lives. But what hasn’t changed is that I still want what is best for E. I hope that when she’s older she is as proud of me as I am of my mum. I may not be where I thought I would be at the age of 30, but I’m somewhere so much better.

Shakira Shute

I used to be a lawyer in London, but now I'm a full time mum in Toronto (via Vancouver), living the expat life with my little family.

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