Mummy, what’s terrorism?

Harriet Shearsmith - 30 Jun 15

This isn’t my usual writing style or topic, but this needs addressing. It needs to be said.

I want to talk about the attacks in Tunisia and what we need to say to our children about Terrorism. Fortunately for us we don’t know anyone involved in the latest attacks in Tunisa or Kuwait (or the poor man in France) but someone, somewhere will. There will be children at Roo’s school, Toby’s nursery, or somewhere in our social network who know someone who has either died, been injured or had a lucky escape on the next beach or hotel along. I already know of two friend’s whose family member are out there at the moment – or were during the attacks.

With the vast majority of those affected in Tunisa being British citizens I can’t help but feel like I should talk about it somehow and the impact this attack and the many others happening around the world will have on our children. Reuben has been asking questions because I have had the news on quite a lot over the last few days, there has been such important news (especially with the wonderful news of USA joining 2015 and legalising gay marriage – hi guys, how you doing? Lovely to see you’ve left the 1940’s – another topic I want to cover later in the week or whenever I get to it!). Back to Reuben’s questions – he asked me why a ‘man on the telly was crying’. My husband gave me that, ‘Geez well done, I told you not to put it on with them downstairs’ look. It really was crunch time here, because I didn’t know what to tell him. I know my boy well enough to know that if I tell him he’s crying because he’s sad as he saw a young man who was trying to help his fiancée who had been killed and he couldn’t help, he’ll ask me why did she die?

And that’s the question no one can answer. No one.

Why did she die? Why have any of these people died?

How do you explain to a four year old that she died because there are people in the world that didn’t like her because of the country she came from and her views of the world? How do you tell a four year old she died because people wanted to instil fear into the hearts and souls of others, for no other reason than to create shock and panic and because they have a different idea of how people should act and what they should believe. I don’t want my children to learn that terrorists are people of a particular colour or creed as the media would have us believe, but sadly they are people. Just people.

How the hell do your explain terrorism to children when you can’t explain it to an adult? You can look at the dictionary definition: “the unofficial or unauthorized use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims” but you can’t explain the why. You just can’t.

As I predicted Roo did ask, and I told him this: “There are bad people in the world, they don’t look any different to you and me, they bleed if they ride bikes and fall off, they cry if they are very sad and they laugh when they are very happy, but they aren’t like you and me. They believe that people who don’t do as they say, or act how they want them to, don’t deserve to live on the Earth. They don’t like them. And they do some very bad, very wicked things to try and make everyone else afraid and make all the good people believe in and behave as they want us to.”

Roo has asked me when he’s heard snippets if they are talking about the bad people, he’s also asked me if the bad people are coming to get us and I’ll be honest, I don’t know what to say to him about that as a person who practises and preaches honest parenting. I (obviously) told him he didn’t need to be afraid and that wasn’t something he needed to worry about – these countries are very far away. It would be letting the bad people win if we were always afraid and we talked about the world wars and how people fought for their freedom and their right to choose what they wanted to believe, how they wanted to act and who they wanted to be. We talked about how there have always been bad people in history but the good people have to stand up for what they believe in and never NEVER back down. Ever. That the good people, who want everyone to live and be happy however they choose to live and be happy, have to stick together.

I don’t really know why I’ve written this post, I just didn’t feel that I could write nothing. I wanted to say… Something. Terrorism is a huge part of the world nowadays (and if we are honest, it always has been – the weapons have just got meaner and the news coverage more technologically advanced) – it’s horrendous, but it’s fact. Terrorists are everywhere, they are brutal and they are hidden behind the masks of civility that we trust. I don’t want my children to be afraid of terrorists, I don’t want them to live IN terror but at the same time I don’t want to lie to them of pretend these things don’t happen. In my heart I believe that teaching our children that this kind of thing does happen (if and when they ask), it’s an evil of the world and one that good people must stand up against, is imperative. Ignorance only serves to encourage fear, and that, well; that is what terrorism is all about.

Harriet x

Harriet Shearsmith

My name is Harriet, I am a mama to three wonderful kiddos, living in the North of England - though I'd really rather be in the South where things actually happen. I am a serious purveyor of all things boutique or stylish for children and I have a fundamental need to share this obsession with people on my blog Toby&Roo. I'm addicted to costa caramel lattes and chilli - though not at the same time, obvs. Oh, and I sometimes use the term obvs... sorry about that.

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