‘Mummy, Why Is The World So Terrifying?

Site Default - 15 Jul 16

This morning I got stuck for words in front of my five- and four-year-old boys.

One of our neighbours walked passed me as I was making a dash for the school run and said, ‘Isn’t it awful, all those killings in Nice?’. I replied, ‘Yes. Awful. It’s such a terrifying world right now,’ and carried on coaxing my boys into the car.

As we drove off to school, my eldest asked ‘What are killings?’ and his question hit me like a thunderbolt. I really didn’t think that he’d heard my conversation and I wasn’t ready to talk about terrorism with a five-year-old, especially with his younger brother in earshot. So instead I muttered something along the lines of, ‘Well, there are some bad people in the world who want to hurt others, but there are also good people that are trying to stop this from happening. A bad guy has hurt some people but they’ve caught him now.’ I turned on the radio and hoped that some music would change the tone but he kept on: ‘Why is the world so terrifying?’; ‘Did the bad guy kill people?’; ‘How did they catch him?’; ‘Why did he do it?’.

Once I’d done the school and nursery drop-offs I wondered if I’d said the right things, if I’d answered my son’s questions without scaring him – and his brother – senseless. We’ve spoken about death before but in the context of someone dying and going to a special place like heaven. But how do you tell little ones – with their innocent, beautiful, untarnished minds – that there are some seriously evil people out there and that really bad things happen to good people. It’s mind-boggling even to me, so how do you relate that to a child? Should you even tell them anything?

For me, I want my children to be aware that the world is not always safe and that ‘baddies’ exist. I want them to have some fear, but I don’t want to scare them. I want them to have that childhood bubble around them – full of sunshine and smiles, love and tickles – but I want them to know what’s going on in the real world too.

Sadly, nobody can ignore what’s happening. Life feels pretty scary right now, something I’ve never felt before. And when you have children, it’s even more frightening because this is the world they are going to venture into when they grow up. When you one day have to let them go completely. When you can’t drop them off somewhere safe in the morning, pick them up and put them to bed, knowing that they are tucked up safely in their beds under your watch. You are going to have to take a step back at some point and let them discover life – and all its bad bits – for themselves.

This I know. But for now I’m going to hold my boys to me a bit more and hope that one day – when they are fully grown – the world will be a better, brighter and much happier place.

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Fiona Pennell lives in the Cotswolds with her husband and their two boys, Jack, 6, and Otto, 4. A former YOU magazine sub-editor, Fiona now spends her days being trampled on, going on slug hunts and dreaming of lie-ins. (Twitter: @fiona_pennell)

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