Mummy’s Lump

Emma Gittins - 18 Apr 18

I would usually get really excited when the postman delivers a parcel, not today. Today he has delivered a story book for me to read to my two boys, a story book that no mummy ever wants to read to her children. The story book is called Mummy’s Lump.

So a bit about me and my story……….

I’m Emma, I’m 37 and I have an amazing husband, Jamie, and two gorgeous sons, Noah is 7 and Freddie is 4. On the 20th October 2017 I was given the news that nobody wants to hear, I learnt that I have breast cancer. I’d managed to win the shittiest lottery ever, which is ironic because we never win anything!

My story starts back in September 2016. I discovered a small lump/thickening on my right boob. I had breast fed both of my boys and wondered if it was in some way related to that. I took myself off to the doctors to get it checked, just to be on the safe side really, and was told that it was likely to be hormonal. The doctor told me to keep an eye on it but that it didn’t seem to be anything sinister. Happy days!!!

Now, I did keep an eye on it to a certain extent. It didn’t really go away but some days I could feel it, other days I couldn’t. Some days it ached, others it didn’t. I sometimes wondered if I had imagined the whole thing. I’m quite the under-reactor, I have a tendency to trust that everything is fine. I hate drama! Anyway life goes on, especially when you work and have young children.

Fast forward to mid September 2017 and I begin to notice the lump again. Only it seems to be bigger so I called my GP and booked another appointment, just to be on the safe side. It was a few more weeks until the next available appointment so life carried on. Because I didn’t think it a big deal I didn’t really tell anyone about the appointment, what’s the point in worrying people for no reason. It was fine last time, it’ll be the same this time. I’m probably over reacting. At least that’s what I thought until I saw the GPs face. She referred me to be seen within 2 weeks at the breast clinic at the hospital. It was time to tell Jamie.

A few days passed and finally the phone rang, could I go in the following day? There’s been a cancellation and they can fit me in at 12pm. You know I mentioned my bad luck? Well I’m not superstitious, however the appointment was on Friday 13th October. Was somebody up there having a giggle?!

So began the tests, scans and needles. Trying to read everyone’s faces, wondering what they are thinking. Why is that nurse looking at me like that? Why is the lovely radiographer telling me to try and not panic? I’m not panicking, do I look like I’m panicking? Should I be panicking?

After the tests and scans comes the waiting, that’s the worst part. The bloody waiting! It’s like a form of torture. Your mind starts imagining the worst and all logical thought goes out of the window. You feel like you can’t hold a proper conversation with anybody. Life as you once knew it is suddenly on hold. From this point on the days feel endless.

A week passes (was it really only a week??) and it’s time to go back. It’s time to walk back through the long green corridor towards the Macmillan Renton Unit. Jamie calls it the green mile and that’s exactly what it feels like! We sit in the same red chairs and wait. I’m trying to read the expression of everyone who looks at me. Do they all know? I look around trying to guess everyone else’s story. What brings them here? Are they all as terrified as I am?

Finally I’m called in.

“We have your results, it’s breast cancer”

And there it is, just like that, here I am. Me. Just a normal 37 year old Mum. I’m in the system. I hand myself over to our wonderful NHS.

Let the battle commence……….

Emma Gittins

Hi, I’m Emma. I’m just a normal 37 year old with a husband and 2 children. I work 4 days a week and my husband is a primary school teacher. Pretty standard really. Then on the 20th October 2017 I was diagnosed with triple negative, invasive ductal breast cancer. I soon discovered that life with cancer is pretty full on! This is my no holds barred, warts and all account of life with the big C. If I can inspire just one lady to check her boobs, trust her instincts and never allow herself to be turned away, then I will have achieved great things.

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