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Mum’s Bathtime…

1

Here is a post I wrote last year after a particularly difficult week, and with the season of illness fast approaching once more, I thought I would share it with you… You’re welcome!

 
Life has been pretty hideous in our house lately, full of snot and sick and earache. Not life or death, I know, but tedious and exhausting nonetheless.
Sleepless night has followed sleepless night and my washing machine has been spinning 24/7. 
So tonight, after a freezing cold school run, cooking dinner, feeding three ravenous

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children, cleaning up and doing the dishes, I decided that what I needed was 10 minutes in a nice warm bath before the chaos of the bedtime routine kicked in. Also, I have noticed that my legs are starting to resemble those of an alpha male gorilla, and for that reason alone a little ”me time” was certainly required.
 
My husband, now home from work, was in the living room watching TV with the children, so I grabbed the opportunity with both hands. I sneaked to the bathroom, shut the door and ran a deep, hot bath.
 
No sooner had my big
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toe hit the water when in came child number three. 
 
Child 3: ”You want pirate ship in your bath mummy?” he said, whilst tipping cold water from his pirate ship onto my legs! 
 
Me: ”No thank you darling. I’m just having a quick bath and then I will get out and you can have a bath.”
 
Child 3: ”I get in now?”
 
Me: ”No poppet. It’s too hot and it’s got bubbles, they make you itchy and even less likely to sleep tonight!”
 
Child 3: ”You want submarine?” Whacking a heavy submarine on porcelain sink
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repeatedly.
 
Me: ”No! And stop banging the sink, you’ll break it!” I then shout to my husband, ”Please can you remove this child?”
 
Child removed, I find the razor and look at the task ahead. In comes child number two. 
 
Child 2: ”I need the toilet!”
 
Me: ”Can you wait?”
 
Child 2: ”NO!” Crossing her legs and her eyes! 
 
Me: ”Fine! But hurry up!” Note to self, next time we move, find a house with more than one bathroom.
Child three returns and pokes his head around the door.
 
Child 3:
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”Hello mummy! You want pirate ship in your bath?”
 
Me: ”No darling, I told you, I just need a quick wash and then I’ll get out!”
 
Meanwhile child two is straining….
 
Me: ”Are you doing a poo?”
 
Child 2: ”Yeeeeessssss!”
 
Child 3: ”I need wee.” He plonks himself on the potty.
 
Me: ”Give me strength… I JUST WANTED TO WASH MY BUM!!!” (Yes, I actually said that!) I weep into the water, whilst both children go to the toilet.
Child 2: ”Can you wipe my bum?”
 
Me: ”Yes sweetheart, I’d
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like nothing more than to climb out of my warm bath to wipe your bum!”
 
Bum wiped I return to my bath with the words, ”now wash your hands you two and leave me alone!”
Both children wash their toilet hands in my bath. Living. The. Dream.
 
I then take a whole minute to shave my gorilla legs before I hear fighting in the living room. Pulling the plug, I climb out of the bath and brace myself for their bath and bedtimes… is it almost wine ’o’ clock?
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- 16 Oct 19

Here is a post I wrote last year after a particularly difficult week, and with the season of illness fast approaching once more, I thought I would share it with you… You’re welcome!

 

Life has been pretty hideous in our house lately, full of snot and sick and earache. Not life or death, I know, but tedious and exhausting nonetheless.

Sleepless night has followed sleepless night and my washing machine has been spinning 24/7. 

So tonight, after a freezing cold school run, cooking dinner, feeding three ravenous children, cleaning up and doing the dishes, I decided that what I needed was 10 minutes in a nice warm bath before the chaos of the bedtime routine kicked in. Also, I have noticed that my legs are starting to resemble those of an alpha male gorilla, and for that reason alone a little “me time” was certainly required.

 

My husband, now home from work, was in the living room watching TV with the children, so I grabbed the opportunity with both hands. I sneaked to the bathroom, shut the door and ran a deep, hot bath.

 

No sooner had my big toe hit the water when in came child number three. 

 

Child 3: “You want pirate ship in your bath mummy?” he said, whilst tipping cold water from his pirate ship onto my legs! 

 

Me: “No thank you darling. I’m just having a quick bath and then I will get out and you can have a bath.”

 

Child 3: “I get in now?”

 

Me: “No poppet. It’s too hot and it’s got bubbles, they make you itchy and even less likely to sleep tonight!”

 

Child 3: “You want submarine?” Whacking a heavy submarine on porcelain sink repeatedly.

 

Me: “No! And stop banging the sink, you’ll break it!” I then shout to my husband, “Please can you remove this child?”

 

Child removed, I find the razor and look at the task ahead. In comes child number two. 

 

Child 2: “I need the toilet!”

 

Me: “Can you wait?”

 

Child 2: “NO!” Crossing her legs and her eyes! 

 

Me: “Fine! But hurry up!” Note to self, next time we move, find a house with more than one bathroom.

Child three returns and pokes his head around the door.

 

Child 3: “Hello mummy! You want pirate ship in your bath?”

 

Me: “No darling, I told you, I just need a quick wash and then I’ll get out!”

 

Meanwhile child two is straining….

 

Me: “Are you doing a poo?”

 

Child 2: “Yeeeeessssss!”

 

Child 3: “I need wee.” He plonks himself on the potty.

 

Me: “Give me strength… I JUST WANTED TO WASH MY BUM!!!” (Yes, I actually said that!) I weep into the water, whilst both children go to the toilet.

Child 2: “Can you wipe my bum?”

 

Me: “Yes sweetheart, I’d like nothing more than to climb out of my warm bath to wipe your bum!”

 

Bum wiped I return to my bath with the words, “now wash your hands you two and leave me alone!”

Both children wash their toilet hands in my bath. Living. The. Dream.

 

I then take a whole minute to shave my gorilla legs before I hear fighting in the living room. Pulling the plug, I climb out of the bath and brace myself for their bath and bedtimes… is it almost wine ‘o’ clock?

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Sarah Vaughan is a mum of three, a Teacher and Early Years Specialist, a children’s author and a holistic therapist. She the founder of The Play Well Trust - a small charity which promotes the restorative powers of play for children and families, when a child is seriously ill. She is also the founder of The Do Try This at Home School, an online space offering FREE creative, educational activities for children and families to try together at home.

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