My Pregnancy Regrets

Amy Bowden - 30 Aug 16

1. The Fear – I let it take over 100% of my being. I failed to enjoy the full experience because I was so terrified of a miscarriage or still birth. I have a total of three bump photos, two of which were taken as I went in for the cesarean. Pre-pregnancy me dreamt of a Pintrest style photo log of my pregnancy but I was so scared in case the log turned into a jinx. The other day I found my questions that I took to my booking appointment and I sound like a crazed woman. ‘Am I defiantly pregnant? Can eat I cold meats? Am I Ok to use a microwave?’ Just a snippet of how I was feeling. I cried at every maternity appointment. I just couldn’t relax, I wanted this pregnancy so bad I was sure it wasn’t going to work out.
2. I didn’t make bump friends – I was expecting complications and was classed as a high risk pregnancy due to having open heart surgery a few years ago. So I didn’t join any ante-natal classes. Pre-pregnancy me wanted to join antenatal yoga, hypnobirthing, aqua-natal, the lot. Then the little + appeared and I became scared. Scared that these classes would not be suitable and would somehow put my health at risk, because every one knows that antenatal yoga is very stressful on the body *major eye roll*. The obstetrician, instead of making me feel at ease just compounded this fear. I listened to her instead of listening to my own body. I really wish I had joined NTC or any class really to meet people to help me through what was a really bloody lonely time.
3. I took to much on at work. I had major projects being juggled with a burgeoning work load. I didn’t speak up. I was too worried that if I did speak up I’d look unprofessional and inept. Instead I bottled it all up and had an emotional melt down at least twice a week; once being at an antenatal appointment where I was instructed to take at least one day off for my own sake.
4. I wish I had asked my husband to stay with me and Pip that first night in hospital. Instead I was very stubborn about the fact I did not want him there. I had envisioned a perfect night with my new born snuggled up with me whilst I was engulfed in euphoria. Instead it was a god awful sweaty night where I couldn’t move due to the spinal, I had to call for help every time Evelyn needed picking up and I got 0 sleep. The following day I was in the foulest of moods.
5. When I was pregnant I heard of lots of women who refused visitors for at least a week after the arrival of their new bundle. At the time I thought this was odd; surely you would want to show off your sparkly new bubba? Well, I wish I had put a ban on! For days I hardly got to hold Evelyn. It made breast feeding even harder and left me exhausted!
6. I suffer from anxiety and postnatal depression. it took me five months before I asked for help. Those first five months were horrid for myself and my family. I didn’t speak up because I felt like a failure. I wasn’t a failure and I wish I had spoken up a lot earlier. The help out there is amazing, my health visitor was a total start and she made me feel instantly better about everything.

Really, these are all pretty minor and I need to stop beating myself up, mum guilt is a shit and no one else even notices what is stressing you out. I love being a mum, I love my girls and am having such a fun time with them both. Neither of them will remember any of these, Cait laughs at me when my pregnancy melt downs are mentioned.

Amy Bowden

Mummy of two little Girlies - Caitlin and Evelyn. New to blogging all bout what it is like raising girls with a big age gap.

View profile for posts, events and more info