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My journey to becoming a mother

1
 I am a mother of two.
 

I just can’t believe it from time to time, I often find myself looking for an adult for advice and then remember I am the adult- wondering when I will know how to remove certain stains from clothes and have all the wonderful wisdom mums seem to have but I am. I am a mother of two.

I had been with my partner (now husband) for 7 years and I was sick of waiting for him to put a ring on it. I was tired of dropping hints and moaning when another one of my friends who had been dating for less time than us got engaged. I

SelfishMother.com
2
just stopped talking about it but said “ok, no wedding is fine but I need children.” Two weeks later he asked me to marry him.

It was very easy falling pregnant with CC, we decided we wanted a baby and we had one.

It was that straight forward. No ovulation checking, no constant peeing on a stick and no wondering, it just happened.

I hated being pregnant, I didn’t feel a glow. I felt sick and uncomfortable with my growing body. I hurt and could hardly walk as the weight of this growing baby split my pelvis apart.
Don’t get me wrong, I

SelfishMother.com
3
believe pregnancy is a true blessing and it’s amazing but it just didn’t suit me.
The birth wasn’t that bad really. I had forceps’ but it didn’t leave me traumatise and not wanting any more children in fact I wanted more soon just to get it all over with and have my body back.

We decided to try again when CC was 6 months. This would mean our children would be 18 months apart, the same age gap my sister and I have and also my husband and his sister.

I feel pregnant again quickly and the excitement ended when the morning sickness

SelfishMother.com
4
kicked in and I was so poorly the whole 12 weeks with a 7 month old.
We went for our 12 week scan and we found out that the baby had died but in natures cruel way my placenta was still growing along with the sac so my body still thought I was carrying a child.
I needed a D & C to remove the baby as it was clear I was not going to pass the baby naturally and it would be pretty horrid doing it at home anyway.

We fell pregnant again quickly, a little more cautious than before we didn’t tell anyone and the nature of my previous pregnancy meant I

SelfishMother.com
5
was able to go for an early scan with the wonderful nurses at the early pregnancy unit at the Royal Infirmary Edinburgh.

At 8 weeks everything was looking great and I still scared but sure now it couldn’t happen again when on with life as my belly started showing.
At 14 weeks I started bleeding, not a lot but enough to shake my anxiety and I was taken straight away to the EPU for a scan. The baby had died again, this time just a couple of days before hand.
I had a bump and I still felt pregnant how could this happen.
I was sent home to think

SelfishMother.com
6
about my options but I didn’t have long because as I rested at home I felt a huge gush. The baby had come away on its own this time.

I sat on the toilet as I bled like I have never before, so much so that I needed to call an ambulance. I started to lose consciousness with the loss of blood and was rushed to hospital. As we arrived I felt myself slipping away. The doctors and nurses saved me; I had haemorrhaged and lost so much blood. I had to stay for 2 nights till I was strong enough to return.

These two miscarriages did not hold enough for me

SelfishMother.com
7
to be investigated.

I had to have at least 3 in a row, how could I go through this all again before anyone can tell me why my body is killing my babies.
I waited 3 months and then fell pregnant again, losing this one at 6 weeks. It was nothing compared to the last two. I was checked and told I was fine and that I had one so it was likely to happen again and it was “normal”.

I needed a break; I had been pregnant for over a year and no baby. I was turning 30 and I wanted to relax and enjoy the time and not worry about pregnancy and losing

SelfishMother.com
8
babies.

I feel pregnant 6 months after my last lost – I was scared. I could fall pregnant but not keep the babies. This one stuck…

I lived day by day, again struck down with sickness till I was 22 weeks. One highlight was using my daughter’s handbag to throw up into in the car…on the way to work. Grim
However grim it was, it was all signs my body was still growing a baby.

I didn’t get excited.

I didn’t plan.

I would not be completely satisfied till this baby was in my arms, a baby boy.

He came 4 days late, my waters

SelfishMother.com
9
breaking at 11pm after deciding on an early night and he made his wonderful entry into the world.

A lot faster and a lot more straight forward.

I am not having any more, two is fine for me.

So that is my journey into motherhood. It’s been long and am truly grateful for everything I have and have been through.
Let me know your stories, if it’s been a breeze or hell let me know. I would love to hear from my readers to connect and get to know you all.

 

 

SelfishMother.com

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- 20 Dec 17

 I am a mother of two.

 

I just can’t believe it from time to time, I often find myself looking for an adult for advice and then remember I am the adult- wondering when I will know how to remove certain stains from clothes and have all the wonderful wisdom mums seem to have but I am. I am a mother of two.

I had been with my partner (now husband) for 7 years and I was sick of waiting for him to put a ring on it. I was tired of dropping hints and moaning when another one of my friends who had been dating for less time than us got engaged. I just stopped talking about it but said “ok, no wedding is fine but I need children.” Two weeks later he asked me to marry him.

It was very easy falling pregnant with CC, we decided we wanted a baby and we had one.

It was that straight forward. No ovulation checking, no constant peeing on a stick and no wondering, it just happened.

I hated being pregnant, I didn’t feel a glow. I felt sick and uncomfortable with my growing body. I hurt and could hardly walk as the weight of this growing baby split my pelvis apart.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe pregnancy is a true blessing and it’s amazing but it just didn’t suit me.
The birth wasn’t that bad really. I had forceps’ but it didn’t leave me traumatise and not wanting any more children in fact I wanted more soon just to get it all over with and have my body back.

We decided to try again when CC was 6 months. This would mean our children would be 18 months apart, the same age gap my sister and I have and also my husband and his sister.

I feel pregnant again quickly and the excitement ended when the morning sickness kicked in and I was so poorly the whole 12 weeks with a 7 month old.
We went for our 12 week scan and we found out that the baby had died but in natures cruel way my placenta was still growing along with the sac so my body still thought I was carrying a child.
I needed a D & C to remove the baby as it was clear I was not going to pass the baby naturally and it would be pretty horrid doing it at home anyway.

We fell pregnant again quickly, a little more cautious than before we didn’t tell anyone and the nature of my previous pregnancy meant I was able to go for an early scan with the wonderful nurses at the early pregnancy unit at the Royal Infirmary Edinburgh.

At 8 weeks everything was looking great and I still scared but sure now it couldn’t happen again when on with life as my belly started showing.
At 14 weeks I started bleeding, not a lot but enough to shake my anxiety and I was taken straight away to the EPU for a scan. The baby had died again, this time just a couple of days before hand.
I had a bump and I still felt pregnant how could this happen.
I was sent home to think about my options but I didn’t have long because as I rested at home I felt a huge gush. The baby had come away on its own this time.

I sat on the toilet as I bled like I have never before, so much so that I needed to call an ambulance. I started to lose consciousness with the loss of blood and was rushed to hospital. As we arrived I felt myself slipping away. The doctors and nurses saved me; I had haemorrhaged and lost so much blood. I had to stay for 2 nights till I was strong enough to return.

These two miscarriages did not hold enough for me to be investigated.

I had to have at least 3 in a row, how could I go through this all again before anyone can tell me why my body is killing my babies.
I waited 3 months and then fell pregnant again, losing this one at 6 weeks. It was nothing compared to the last two. I was checked and told I was fine and that I had one so it was likely to happen again and it was “normal”.

I needed a break; I had been pregnant for over a year and no baby. I was turning 30 and I wanted to relax and enjoy the time and not worry about pregnancy and losing babies.

I feel pregnant 6 months after my last lost – I was scared. I could fall pregnant but not keep the babies. This one stuck…

I lived day by day, again struck down with sickness till I was 22 weeks. One highlight was using my daughter’s handbag to throw up into in the car…on the way to work. Grim
However grim it was, it was all signs my body was still growing a baby.

I didn’t get excited.

I didn’t plan.

I would not be completely satisfied till this baby was in my arms, a baby boy.

He came 4 days late, my waters breaking at 11pm after deciding on an early night and he made his wonderful entry into the world.

A lot faster and a lot more straight forward.

I am not having any more, two is fine for me.

So that is my journey into motherhood. It’s been long and am truly grateful for everything I have and have been through.
Let me know your stories, if it’s been a breeze or hell let me know. I would love to hear from my readers to connect and get to know you all.

 

 

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Gail aka Mumforce, is a Scottish lifestyle / parenting blogger and a mum of two, based in Edinburgh. After giving birth to 2 little darlings Gail focussed some attention towards rediscovering/discovering herself. Being a daughter, sister, friend, wife and mother can take a lot out of the best of us. Whilst in amongst/ dealing with all the unpredictability’s in life it’s an easy thing to go into pilot mode/ forget to catch your breath and although bringing up another human being is arguably one of the most difficult challenges a human can be blessed with – “it can often be the case the we want more in respect to purpose, something that is just me”. Gail is open about her mental health and hopes that through writing, honestly about her experiences she can allow others to open up and no longer feel alone. As well as talking/writing about her struggles with mental health, Gail blogs about daily life, women’s rights and issues that some are afraid to address. Throw in a few family outing reviews, product reviews and mum fashion and we have a very mixed bag which truly represents the addictive randomness that is Mumforce. ​To begin with Gail found writing as a form of therapy and a hobby however through her literacy journey Gail’s lifelong pursuit of seeking acceptance has been redefined – “ I finally understood that it was self acceptance that was being sought and have since embraced every ounce of human emotion and solidified its presence through my words”. A unique character who we can all relate to who gives a fantastic reflection of the main battle we have in life, “the person staring back at me in the mirror”.

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