My New Year’s Resolution: Be Selfish

Jill Misson - 5 Jan 17

The last thing I need is another to-do list. My phone is already full of them; a notebook app has replaced my old chocolate-brown leather Filofax. From what to buy at the supermarket to what to pack when we go on holiday, who to thank for Christmas presents and the jobs I keep meaning to get round to like printing off hundreds of digital photos.

Happy New Year

New Year’s Eve has come and gone, another perfectly pleasant but unextraordinary evening spent on the sofa with a bottle of Prosecco, a film and the fireworks on telly. I have polished off the remaining Roses at the bottom of the tub; the orange and strawberry creams that no-one else wanted. The done thing now is to pack up the decorations and pack in the chocolate, vowing to eat only kale and carrots until February while rediscovering the rowing machine in our bedroom, currently masquerading as a clothes dryer.

I don’t want to though. I am sticking my bottom lip out, folding my arms and stamping my feet. I feel like having a tantrum until I get my own way. I have spent the last few weeks organising everything for everyone else and maybe now is my time to wallow in the outrageous extravagance of just being selfish for a change.

Why do we choose this time of year to put more pressure on ourselves with unattainable goals that are more likely to end in big fat failure than the slim hope of success? Why don’t we give ourselves a break and set up stuff to look forward to instead? I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a bit sick of putting everyone else first.

Empty Promises

When I make a promise to someone else, I keep it. I make time and find energy to fulfil commitments to others even when there aren’t enough hours in the day and I’m exhausted but I never think twice about letting myself down.

If this is the perfect moment to make a vow and devote the next 12 months to a higher purpose, perhaps mine should be all about me. Not my children. Not my husband. I will still look after them and clean the loo, I might just occasionally make a decision that isn’t in their best interests but my own. Even saying that out loud seems audaciously daring and a little bit exciting. Better get on with this list before I over-analyse and make a more sensible plan in favour of the rest of the family.

My Selfish New Year Wish List

1. Look Better

   There is nothing wrong with caring about how you look but like many mums I tend to neglect my appearance these days due to lack of time and there is barely a beauty regime to speak of. I heard someone say recently that vanity is sanity. With the state of my skin, ravaged by sleep-deprivation, I should treat myself to some lovely luxury lotions or potions that are beyond the basics I usually grab in haste off the supermarket shelf.  I might even book in for some pampering and preening services like a proper bikini wax instead of another DIY job in the bathroom while a child sits on the bathmat between my legs watching CBeebies and asking questions.

2.  Love to Learn

   I love the idea of time to myself to learn how to do something, no exams or expectations, just a new experience to enjoy. I have a head-start on this one having dropped a big hint to my other half when a local boutique bakery launched a cupcake masterclass. He booked it as a present so I will soon be spending a few decadent hours one evening baking and icing and eating just for the fun of it.

3. Social Life

   I need more of my own play-dates and parties, the kind that no kids are invited to; these are all about grown-ups having proper conversations and being allowed to use swearwords and reaching the end of sentences and finishing a cup of tea. Make that a glass of wine or two and a cocktail.

4. More Culture

   The last film I saw at the cinema was Finding Dory. The last play I saw at the theatre was Stick Man. I am all for educating, enlightening and entertaining my daughters but should put a bit more effort into the expansion of my own mind. Reading a few books without pictures and no need to do funny voices would be a good start.

5. Want to Work

   I have to up my game when it comes to my career and getting it back on track after maternity leave and time at home with my girls. My website is a work in progress that needs urgent attention. I should spend time investing in myself, without feeling guilty for wanting to be more than a mum.

I’m sure I’m not alone in these thoughts, the desire to be selfish after so many sacrifices and compromises. I wonder how long I will last before falling off the wagon. My family do come first and I am used to waiting for my turn that never comes but maybe with a new attitude and some ambition, I might just make this my year.

Jill Misson

Writer, broadcaster and mum of two girls.

View profile for posts, events and more info