My not so perfect family life!!

Angela Poole - 19 Apr 19

My family life has never been perfect, and never will be! The title actually makes me laugh because it’s actually far far from being perfect. But you know how you scroll through social media and see all these pretty pictures of families doing fun things and having wonderful holidays, and you just make the assumption that they are perfect!! But there’s always a story behind the pictures- there is always more behind those smiles, and are those smiles even REAL? That’s the reason I wanted to share a picture of my 14 year old son pulling a funny facial expression, because that just sums him up! He has ADHD and ASD and although he does smile, life is unpredictable and he is known to show his inner demon at times.

We don’t really do the things that other families do, but that’s life with a special needs son. For many years I used to plan our holidays and days out- there were always restaurants, shops and activities on my to do list. And of course it rarely happened the way I had planned, and it would really upset me. We have had so many meltdowns on holidays- I can’t even tell you how many! I always felt like we missed out on what was on offer and I have shed many tears and wondered why we can’t be like ‘normal’ families. By I now know that normal does not exist!  I actually was just setting myself for failure, and I have now come to realise that I just can’t over plan and should just let things evolve. Hard sometimes to accept but with years of practice I have got better at it.

As my son has got older, there has now been some compromise where he will begrudgingly come to my restaurant of choice, even if it means I have to go to his choice as well. That is starting to work but you still won’t see us as regular visitors of theme parks (too much stimulation) and I think we have only been to a soft play once when he was young (which I’m quite happy about). Prolonged board games also don’t go down too well in our house. But you will see him riding his bike, climbing trees, making videos, and eating and drinking (now he’s a teenager)!

Now of course there are some other family members- hubby who is rarely on social media and even in a photo (pretty laid back about planning) and an older 17 year old son (I am not allowed to post pics of him on social media- typical teenager)! So that’s us- a family of four who don’t quite fit into the usual mould but what does that mean anyway? Over the years I have found that there are actually more families like us than I ever realised.

So we have a different family dynamic and I have learnt to accept it, and it works for us. You need to be careful of scrolling social media and comparing your family life to others- it may look perfect but it probably isn’t! I have been so envious over the years of the pictures I see of friends’ holidays, and then suddenly two months later discovered the couple has since divorced so proof that they definitely didn’t have the perfect life I believed they did. So we are doing what works for us and are finding our own version of happiness. What works for one family isn’t going to work for another, and that’s fine. Don’t try and live your life as you believe a perfect life should be as this is a recipe for disaster. Just do YOU and what fits into YOUR life!!

Angela Poole

I am a personal trainer, healthy recipe developer and blogger. Mum to 2 teenage boys, younger one with ADHD and ASD. Inspiring mums to live happier healthier lives. Always portray a real authentic insight of my lifestyle.

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