I’ve been wanting to write something for a while now about my other son…the one who doesn’t have Leukaemia. His name is Harrison and he’s 2 and a half years old.
Harrison
He made quite the entrance into the world, he was 15 days late and then arrived in 27mins.
He has an infectious personality. He’s a live wire, with a wicked sense of humour, even at his young age.
As a baby he never stopped smiling…and from the moment he arrived he was our cheeky little monkey. Our Harryboo.
He loves to jump, run and bounce on the bed. This
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includes singing and doing the actions to “5 little monkeys”. He loves to sing and he is a fantastic dancer.
Every night he likes to read the same book. His book repertoire includes The Gruffalo, Stickman, How do dinosaurs eat their food? books about trains, Postman Bear and Fox’s socks.
For Christmas he asked for “Big Boy Lego” so he can be just like his big brother Bilbo.
He is kind and gentle and loves his big brother dearly.
And as the brother of a child with cancer, he is suffering too. His new normal means so much of our
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life centers around his big brother and we can’t always put Harrison’s needs first.
Diganosis Day
On the Monday Bilbo was diagnosed, Bilbo and I dropped H off at nursery like any other day.
I didn’t see him again until Wednesday. He didn’t see his brother again until Friday. And when he did it was at the hospital in an unfamiliar environment.
The first few weeks were brutal. Only now as I reflect I realise just how hard those early days and weeks were. We were so consumed with everything cancer related.
What does he understand?
He
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knows Bilbo is poorly, he knows Bilbo has to have a lot of medicine. He knows he has to be careful of Bilbo’s hickman line.
Beyond that we don’t really know what he thinks or feels.
He sees it all…
He sees the tantrums, the tears, he sees the fighting with mummy over medicine, he sees the angry Bilbo, the shouty Bilbo. He sees the tired and poorly Bilbo. He sees the nurses visit our house. He comes to hospital visits and sees his brother and all the other poorly children. He sees the Bilbo who is sick and nauseous. He sees his mummy and
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daddy panic, worry, lose our temper…and he sees our tears.
It doesn’t matter how much you try to shield them, some of the cancer BS seeps through. Fuck You Cancer
Parent Guilt
Cancer doesn’t give you any respite on the parenting guilt, in fact in some ways the guilt only worsens. I’ve posted before about THE guilt, in those first few days it was already creeping in: Day 4: Reward Charts, Leaflets and Pooh.
We can’t be in two places at once. We can’t split ourselves in two. So we do what we always do as parents we try and make it
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work.
What does it mean to be the brother of someone with cancer?
It means you miss out. Harrison misses out on a lot. When we decided we wouldn’t leave the house for 2 days before Christmas to reduce the chances of getting sick. H was on lock down too.
Everything we have to miss, cancel or change for Bilbo – impacts H too.
Bilbo is inundated with prizes for being brave, presents from amazing charities, gifts from friends and family. There isn’t always something for H.
There is no prize for being the little boy who’s brother has
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cancer.
Everything is for or about Bilbo.
For the last few weeks we’ve tried our hardest to make some of our time about H. We signed up to gymnastics on Sunday, it is pay as you go and free play. He LOVED it!
Despite him only wanting daddy to put him to bed i’ve now become the official tickle monster before bed. And as his speech develops I love our little chats and conversations.
Our other son…
When you have a baby and are lucky to fall pregnant again, during the pregnancy I often wondered “how will I love another human as much as
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my first”.
But you know what, you do you love them, just as much.
Because the love you have for your children is for every spark of THEIR personality, for every smile and time THEIR face lights up, for every milestone THEY reach in THEIR way, for every special moment you have with THEM.
We have another son and his name is Harrison and he’s blooming awesome!
I’ve been wanting to write something for a while now about my other son…the one who doesn’t have Leukaemia. His name is Harrison and he’s 2 and a half years old.
Harrison
He made quite the entrance into the world, he was 15 days late and then arrived in 27mins.
He has an infectious personality. He’s a live wire, with a wicked sense of humour, even at his young age.
As a baby he never stopped smiling…and from the moment he arrived he was our cheeky little monkey. Our Harryboo.
He loves to jump, run and bounce on the bed. This includes singing and doing the actions to “5 little monkeys”. He loves to sing and he is a fantastic dancer.
Every night he likes to read the same book. His book repertoire includes The Gruffalo, Stickman, How do dinosaurs eat their food? books about trains, Postman Bear and Fox’s socks.
For Christmas he asked for “Big Boy Lego” so he can be just like his big brother Bilbo.
He is kind and gentle and loves his big brother dearly.
And as the brother of a child with cancer, he is suffering too. His new normal means so much of our life centers around his big brother and we can’t always put Harrison’s needs first.
Diganosis Day
On the Monday Bilbo was diagnosed, Bilbo and I dropped H off at nursery like any other day.
I didn’t see him again until Wednesday. He didn’t see his brother again until Friday. And when he did it was at the hospital in an unfamiliar environment.
The first few weeks were brutal. Only now as I reflect I realise just how hard those early days and weeks were. We were so consumed with everything cancer related.
What does he understand?
He knows Bilbo is poorly, he knows Bilbo has to have a lot of medicine. He knows he has to be careful of Bilbo’s hickman line.
Beyond that we don’t really know what he thinks or feels.
He sees it all…
He sees the tantrums, the tears, he sees the fighting with mummy over medicine, he sees the angry Bilbo, the shouty Bilbo. He sees the tired and poorly Bilbo. He sees the nurses visit our house. He comes to hospital visits and sees his brother and all the other poorly children. He sees the Bilbo who is sick and nauseous. He sees his mummy and daddy panic, worry, lose our temper…and he sees our tears.
It doesn’t matter how much you try to shield them, some of the cancer BS seeps through. Fuck You Cancer
Parent Guilt
Cancer doesn’t give you any respite on the parenting guilt, in fact in some ways the guilt only worsens. I’ve posted before about THE guilt, in those first few days it was already creeping in: Day 4: Reward Charts, Leaflets and Pooh.
We can’t be in two places at once. We can’t split ourselves in two. So we do what we always do as parents we try and make it work.
What does it mean to be the brother of someone with cancer?
It means you miss out. Harrison misses out on a lot. When we decided we wouldn’t leave the house for 2 days before Christmas to reduce the chances of getting sick. H was on lock down too.
Everything we have to miss, cancel or change for Bilbo – impacts H too.
Bilbo is inundated with prizes for being brave, presents from amazing charities, gifts from friends and family. There isn’t always something for H.
There is no prize for being the little boy who’s brother has cancer.
Everything is for or about Bilbo.
For the last few weeks we’ve tried our hardest to make some of our time about H. We signed up to gymnastics on Sunday, it is pay as you go and free play. He LOVED it!
Despite him only wanting daddy to put him to bed i’ve now become the official tickle monster before bed. And as his speech develops I love our little chats and conversations.
Our other son…
When you have a baby and are lucky to fall pregnant again, during the pregnancy I often wondered “how will I love another human as much as my first”.
But you know what, you do you love them, just as much.
Because the love you have for your children is for every spark of THEIR personality, for every smile and time THEIR face lights up, for every milestone THEY reach in THEIR way, for every special moment you have with THEM.
We have another son and his name is Harrison and he’s blooming awesome!
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Explorer of the world one day at a time with my 2 boys and husband.
I'm a busy working mum, community builder, talker, positive vibes kinda gal and advocate of refugees. I'm currently rolling my sleeves up to fight my eldest sons Leukaemia diagnosis.
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