My Poo Panic! And the endless worries of Mothers.

SarahandLouise - 21 Jan 16

If like me you happen to naturally be of a neurotic disposition, then mum-dom will destroy your nerves! I have reached at times, a whole new level of anxiety via worrying about my babies, just when I thought I couldn’t be strung any higher. Of course sleep deprivation plays a key part in how rational your thoughts are and how calm you are able to remain, which is why for a long time I was a gibbering wreck.

From the moment that test stick reveals that there is the beginnings of life within, you start to worry (amongst other emotions of course). This worry does not fade, wane or dissipate, no. It INTENSIFIES! And when the baby finally slithers in to the world – or is retrieved from you as was the case for me, there is an invisible but strongly felt explosion of worry that overwhelms your exhausted shell.

This is just the start!

One of the most anxiety inducing episodes is always when your child is poorly, or you think they might be poorly, or you think they might be about to be poorly.

I’m calmer now that the children are a bit more robust but they still catch me and my nervous system out!

A few weeks ago, my youngest was in the downstairs toilet. “I’ve done a poo! Can someone wipe my bottom?!” came the sweet words from my 3 year old daughter.

I had my hands in the sink. Dad stepped up to the task.

There was a pause. And then my husbands voice:

“Lou, come and look at this.”

It sounded ominous.

Child was poised for wiping in the downward facing dog position and there we were husband and I, staring into the toilet at a very bright RED poop.

The familiar ‘mum-worrying’ began.

My heart thumped painfully a couple of times before I took a deep breath, praised child in my best ‘everything’s fine, high pitched, sing song voice’ on her excellent toilet going and wiped said child’s bottom. Child ran off.

We looked at each other with serious faces and then looked back at the poo before one of us uttered the words; “Does that look like blood to you?”

Thump.Thump.Thump.

“It can’t be can it?”

I was doing mental backtracks over everything she’d eaten in the past week and it wasn’t helping. She’s going through a fussy phase and her current diet pretty much consists of only beige foods. I couldn’t think of a single red thing that she might have eaten that could have caused this. My own personal experience of this type of thing happened once after I’d eaten beetroot carpaccio. I doubted whether my 3 year old would even be able to name a beetroot let alone eat one.

I turned to look at my daughter, she was running around the hallway, completely naked shouting in to a minion walkie talkie. She seemed fine.

“Darling, have you been putting crayons in your mouth or anything..like that?” Even as I say it, I know its lame. Of course she hasn’t. She’s smart.

Our eldest appeared in the toilet doorway. I’m casual.

“Have you done a poo recently my love?”

“Err.. no. Why?”

“Next time you do one, let mummy or daddy have a look at it before you flush it away, okay?”

Perfectly normal request. I focus my attention back on to the poo.

Husband was still staring in to toilet bowl looking confused, one hand on chin, one hand on cistern. It was unclear whether his thoughts were still on the red poo or whether they had migrated to plumbing – but he was pulling all the right faces.

“I’m going to hook a bit out and get a better look.” I say.

Again. Under the circumstances. Perfectly normal.

I retrieved a small plastic tub from the cupboard full of small plastic tubs that all tumble out each and every flippin’ time the flippin’ cupboard door is opened. And an old baby weaning spoon from the cutlery drawer.

Unflinchingly, (hard core mum-style) I leaned in and hooked out a -larger than was really necessary- piece of bright red poo. Husband and I both inspected it as I set about breaking it up with the little blue plastic utensil that we once used to feed our baby her first solids. Oh the irony!

It was red through and through.

I was shaking now.

Husband was quiet, frowning, with the neck of his t-shirt pulled up over his nose and mouth.

The smell did not affect me. A totally inappropriate fight or flight response had kicked in and I’d have absolutely been ready to fight a hungry lion – if I hadn’t felt so giddy.

At this point, I did what any mother would do.

I phoned my mother.

She, like me back tracked through everything they’d eaten at her house the day before. Jacket potato, cheese, chorizo..

“Chorizo?”

“Could it be the paprika in the chorizo?”

I considered the likelihood of this.

“No, there wouldn’t be enough paprika in a few tiny chopped pieces of chorizo to turn a child’s whole poo bright red, would there? – Anyway, it’s the wrong shade..”

Then the penny dropped and we both blurted in unison “JELLY!”

The girls had both had a strawberry flavoured Peppa Pig jelly for pudding the day before! Could it be that which had turned my daughters stool crimson?

Blood rushed to my head and I suddenly became aware of the eldest calling from the upstairs loo:

“Mum! I’ve just done a poo, do you want to see it?”

“YES!! DON”T FLUSH IT AWAY!!” I clambered up the stairs, “Hang on mum” I say in to the phone, I’m just having a look at.. Oh! Oh thank goodness!”

“Yep. Yep mum, Yep it was the jelly. Yep, hers is red too. It’s all OK. Panic over. Yep, Love you too. Bye.”

I hang up, let out a primeval groan and collapse on the top stair.

My mum says you never stop worrying about your kids, even when they are grown ups and I can quite believe it. In fact I’m already worrying about them when they are grown ups. They are my babies! It’s natural for us mums to worry though, it’s what makes us mindful parents and it means we are doing a bloody good job. Right?

And I don’t care what any medical professional says; Wine DOES help.

Just for the record: although I probably will always worry about my children, I will definitely not be inspecting my daughter’s poo when she is 35, no matter what colour it is.

Louise x

SarahandLouise

Sarah and Louise (that's us), have been best friends for over 20 years and, although in our heads we are still 15 years old, in reality we are now mums to no less than five small people! As well as being mum's we also have jobs that keep us busy. Louise works in Social Media. Sarah is currently home educating her eldest child and has created a small business called The Do Try This at Home School, where she offers lots of creative ideas to help children and families learn together. She also offers classes in Kent. https://www.thedotrythisathomeschool.com/ She is also a reflexologist and Infant massage instructor. http://www.naturalreflexionsholistictherapies.com/ Thank you for reading our posts, we'd love you to come and find us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram!

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