My post pregnancy identity crisis

Janet Stone - 11 Jun 16

Before I had Erin I used to shop and dress myself with relative ease, since having Erin I seem to have ended up buying a series of items that, having worn a couple of times, just don’t feel right then disappear to the back of the wardrobe. I thought this was just a couple of unfortunate baby brain related purchases but after 20 months of this happening I’ve figured out a number of possible reasons…

1. Different body shape.

What I didn’t realise in the last few weeks of pregnancy and planning my baby weight lost/getting my body back action plan (while eating a tub of ice cream) was that it was more about my shape changing than the number on the scales. When Erin was about 6 months I felt something touching the top of my leg before realising it was my arse – 10 months of not cycling to work had taken its toll.

I’ve pretty much been straight up and down my whole life and had mastered how to dress that shape and knew what I liked and what looked good after 35 years practice, now things were different!

What I didn’t factor into my baby weight loss plan was the fact that I would be caring for a new born baby at the time I had planned to loose said weight which meant I would need to energise myself with coffee, cake, chocolate and biscuits at regular intervals in order to get through the day. Now 20 months on and a triathlon down I still would like to loose about half a stone, I know who doesn’t, with or without a baby.

2. Old age.

For me the post baby clothing struggle has coincided with edging towards middle age. I feel older and at a different stage in my life now. Where should I be shopping at 35? Top Shop and Primark still? I think the high street presumes by 35 I should be able to afford to shop at Cos and Boden but I have less money now than I did when I was 25.

Part of the problem could be I’m still choosing the style of clothes I’ve always gone for but sometimes I feel I look like an older person trying to dress younger (cringe). Also because of my age I can’t get away with certain looks any more, for example, instead of granny chic mid length skirts with brogues looking cool on me I just look like a granny.

3. Less money/less time

As well as less money, I have much less time to dedicate to shopping, less time to read fashion mags, less time going out seeing what others are wearing. Less time to even think about coordinating an outfit. With a baby the morning routine consisted of picking some jeans off the floor scrapping some kind of dried baby related substance off them, choosing from 2 tops that I could breast feed in, tying hair back before leaving the house. Sometimes I would catch a glimpse of myself in a toilet or baby change room later that day and think – holly crap I should of put some mascara on.

4. I need to feel good about my body again.

Since having Erin my self esteem took a bit of a nose dive, regularly thinking god I look fat/tired/old. I needed to start feeling good about my body after the pummelling of pregnancy, labour and caring for a new born. Feeling tired and run down doesn’t make you feel good and was reflected in myself esteem. Nothing is going to look good if I wasn’t feeling good. I am clawing that back, getting my fitness back doing the triathlon really helped me feel good but I still struggle to dress myself at times!

Any volunteer personnel shoppers out there please get in touch!

Janet Stone

Writer, baker, body scrub maker. Part time corporate copywriter. Wannabe freelance writer. Blog writer, read mostly by my mum.

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