My Unhealthy Obsession With Postpartum Weight Loss

Fiona Ng - 1 Nov 17

Postpartum Weight loss.

I’ve always been a petite size 8 up until having my first daughter two years ago where I gained four stone and it took me a full year of blood, sweat and tears to lose the baby weight – and hooray I did it, then unexpectedly fell pregnant shortly after my daughters first birthday!

Promising myself I wouldn’t gain as much weight second time round, I was yet again mindful of food and trained with a personal trainer up until thirty weeks where I decided I no longer wanted to continue as it was hard enough juggling a new business and a toddler let alone being heavily pregnant and making the time to get to the gym. I still gained four stone (I swear it’s in my genes regardless of how ‘good I am’) but I decided I would be kind to myself about losing the weight as I know it takes nine months to make a baby and equally the same time to get your body back.

Being a positive person I would keep affirming that I am happy with my body, grateful it housed two gorgeous girls and was content that the weight loss would gradually come off.

Fast forward five weeks postpartum and I’m stood in the gym looking as wrecked as I felt, sleep deprived, leaving a colic, silent reflux baby at home so I could discuss nutritional and fitness plans with a new personal trainer.

Armed with postpartum photos taken less then 24 hours after childbirth I was a woman on a mission to lose the weight and to also document my postpartum weight loss journey through my social media channels.

To cut a very long story short my thirteen week old daughter was recently admitted to hospital with viral meningitis which was one of the hardest things my husband and I have ever been through. When the rash began to appear and there was mention of a test result coming back with what could be septicaemia we were both physically and emotionally broken.

As I sat in the hospital looking at my small baby hooked up to monitors with antibiotics being pumped into her through a cannula I had a lot of time to reflect on life since she entered the world and how tough it had actually been raising two kids under two.

Not only that I added more stress to the equation by putting myself on a strict nutritional plan, attending personal training sessions twice a week (with a combined travel time of an hour there and back) along with early Saturday am (like 6.30am!) gym sessions. And what for? To desperately lose the baby weight, to get those postpartum weight loss success photos and to show the world how I had shrank in size since pregnancy! I’m actually upset for that version of myself who only weeks ago would deny herself of cake, chow down plain boiled eggs for breakfast and order god forsaken awful meals from the menu when eating out with the family just because it fit my ‘macros’.

I quickly lost my vow to be kind to myself postnatally all in the quest to fit into my pre pregnancy jeans and it only took going through a traumatic time for me to stop and give myself a good shake.

I see it everywhere. I see Instagram bios with things like ‘Documenting my postpartum weight loss’ or I see before and after pregnancy photos getting the most likes on social media. I see women displaying there five day postpartum body claiming the weight dropped off from healthy eating and exercise when in reality it’s likely genetics or they are super lucky. Since when did it become normal to take a postpartum selfie less than 24 hours after giving birth??

I can bet my life that my mum didn’t do something so absurd or the generations that went before her. Since when did it become normal to become so vulnerable and let the world see what we look like right after going through such an incredible life changing experience but one that is gruelling and tough on the physical body???

I’m guilty of sharing too much. I’m an open book and express myself through blogging and my social media channels but for me, it’s time to stop this unhealthy train of thought and I will NOT be sharing those postpartum photos or any after weight loss photos. My body is special and us women are so privileged and blessed to give birth to babies. For me, it’s time to stop sharing something so intimate and vulnerable and Ive decided it’s ok to eat a slice of cake! It’s ok to have a can of Coke and it’s ok to kick back on a Friday night and enjoy a nice cuppa and my fave bar of chocolate. It’s ok to skip the gym sessions in favour of snuggles with my gorgeous girls and it’s ok to be in jeans a size bigger than normal!

I don’t want postpartum weight loss before and after photos to be the new normal. I don’t want my daughters coming back from hospital when they give birth and the first thing they do is take a selfie of their postpartum body. I don’t want new mums restricting themselves of food or going to the gym on 3 hours sleep. We need to send a message out of self love and the postnatal period needs to be one of tenderness, care and grace.

Since I started to be kinder to myself I’ve actually enjoyed all my meals, treats and outings with friends. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a small amount of guilt at the back of my mind when I do eat this way but I’m working progress. My mindset towards health has been somewhat skewered for a long time so it will take some time to rewire that. It’s been so fun planning having friends around for dinner without having to stress about what types of foods I’m ‘allowed’ to eat. There’s a time for everything and the current season I am in is to look after my young baby and toddler. There will be a time to hit the gym more than I do now and time to work on my fitness goals. Oh and I’ve actually dropped more weight since I gave up the super strictness so being happy and shifting my focus has definitely helped.

(Picture taken after enjoying lots of food!)

Fiona Ng

Newcastle upon Tyne. Mum to daughters age (3) and (1) Entrepreneur, Writer, Conscious Parenting Coach

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