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Check your lemons

1
Never has a picture had as much significance to me as this one on my profile picture. This picture was taken about a year ago when I purchased my fab selfish mother tee. I remember taking it thinking I’m all hair!!
The week after taking this picture I discover a lump in my left breast. I had literally just finished feeding my one year old so obviously wasn’t worried. It will be a result of breastfeeding I’m sure!! How wrong I was!!! After a mammogram at my local hospital I was taken into a side room and given the news no mum of two little ones ever
SelfishMother.com
2
wants to hear!! I had breast cancer. I instantly felt sick and my first words I said was my kids! I started treatment two weeks later. To say it was a shock was an understatement. I was just 37 how could this happen to me. Having breastfed both my babies for at least a year I thought this gave me protection against this nasty disease. I found the first two weeks after horrendous. I couldn’t bring myself to look at any pictures of the kids as I just thought of it as pre cancer times. I couldn’t wear my mother t shirt as I just felt I was potentially not
SelfishMother.com
3
going to be a mother much longer. Having kids was the hardest part of all this. In a way that it’s a different pain the thought of leaving them. Different to that pain of leaving anyone else. It’s more gut wrenching and deeper. All mothers will relate to that. That feeling we have when our child is ill or in pain. We worry like a different worry!! If that makes sense.

So treatment started and I have to say that wasn’t as bad as we first thought. Six rounds of chemo. They gave me the strongest stuff they have. Due to my age and how aggressive it was

SelfishMother.com
4
I needed it. But equally I could cope with it given that I was fit and healthy. So to speak. I cold capped so only lost half my hair. Although in March made the decision to chop it all shorter. The kids kept me going through chemo. Running round after a one year old was a good distraction I must say. I managed to collect my daughter from school most days as felt it was important to keep things as normal as possible. I decided not to work through treatment as working in a busy hair salon I felt the risk of infection during chemo would be pretty high. Last
SelfishMother.com
5
chemo was 23rd Dec!! Won’t forget that Christmas anytime soon. Thankfully the side effects didn’t start till Boxing Day phew!!! Surgery was Feb then radiotherapy to follow meant I could now see that light at the end of a long dark tunnel

Fast forward a year and I’m finished all active treatment as they call it! Ok I’m still taking hormone tablets as my cancer was fuelled by oestrogen so I’m now in what we call a chemical menopause which is hard given I’m only 38. But for me the alternative is far worse and really what’s a few hot flushes if it

SelfishMother.com
6
means this cancer never returns. For me it’s a no brainer.  I have had this attitude all the way through treatment as for me it’s the only answer. Bring it on I say!!!

So this is why my t shirt has so much meaning for me. I can wear my t shirt again now without feeling sad! I can wear it with pride as yes I am a mum and yes I had cancer and yes my hair is short. But I’m here to tell the tale thankfully

 

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- 24 Aug 16

Screen Shot 2016-08-25 at 10.40.44

Never has a picture had as much significance to me as this one on my profile picture. This picture was taken about a year ago when I purchased my fab selfish mother tee. I remember taking it thinking I’m all hair!!

The week after taking this picture I discover a lump in my left breast. I had literally just finished feeding my one year old so obviously wasn’t worried. It will be a result of breastfeeding I’m sure!! How wrong I was!!! After a mammogram at my local hospital I was taken into a side room and given the news no mum of two little ones ever wants to hear!! I had breast cancer. I instantly felt sick and my first words I said was my kids! I started treatment two weeks later. To say it was a shock was an understatement. I was just 37 how could this happen to me. Having breastfed both my babies for at least a year I thought this gave me protection against this nasty disease. I found the first two weeks after horrendous. I couldn’t bring myself to look at any pictures of the kids as I just thought of it as pre cancer times. I couldn’t wear my mother t shirt as I just felt I was potentially not going to be a mother much longer. Having kids was the hardest part of all this. In a way that it’s a different pain the thought of leaving them. Different to that pain of leaving anyone else. It’s more gut wrenching and deeper. All mothers will relate to that. That feeling we have when our child is ill or in pain. We worry like a different worry!! If that makes sense.

So treatment started and I have to say that wasn’t as bad as we first thought. Six rounds of chemo. They gave me the strongest stuff they have. Due to my age and how aggressive it was I needed it. But equally I could cope with it given that I was fit and healthy. So to speak. I cold capped so only lost half my hair. Although in March made the decision to chop it all shorter. The kids kept me going through chemo. Running round after a one year old was a good distraction I must say. I managed to collect my daughter from school most days as felt it was important to keep things as normal as possible. I decided not to work through treatment as working in a busy hair salon I felt the risk of infection during chemo would be pretty high. Last chemo was 23rd Dec!! Won’t forget that Christmas anytime soon. Thankfully the side effects didn’t start till Boxing Day phew!!! Surgery was Feb then radiotherapy to follow meant I could now see that light at the end of a long dark tunnel

Fast forward a year and I’m finished all active treatment as they call it! Ok I’m still taking hormone tablets as my cancer was fuelled by oestrogen so I’m now in what we call a chemical menopause which is hard given I’m only 38. But for me the alternative is far worse and really what’s a few hot flushes if it means this cancer never returns. For me it’s a no brainer.  I have had this attitude all the way through treatment as for me it’s the only answer. Bring it on I say!!!

So this is why my t shirt has so much meaning for me. I can wear my t shirt again now without feeling sad! I can wear it with pride as yes I am a mum and yes I had cancer and yes my hair is short. But I’m here to tell the tale thankfully

 

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Working mummy to two amazing little people

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