NEW MUM SEEKS NEW MUM FOR LAUGHS AND POSSIBLE NIGHTS OUT

clare macdonald - 31 Jan 18

An unexpected twist in the early days of motherhood was being back on the dating scene. I had plenty of friends (or should I say I’d had), a cool job, ridiculously expensive shoes, had managed teams of people, travelled the world but now it was just me and my baba and a feeling that I ‘had to get out and about’.

Motherhood is an indiscriminatory leveller. It doesn’t matter where you live, what age, whatever your job. We’re all the same now and all that previous stuff stands for nothing.

On the new mum daytime scene, first there’s a bit of eye contact but not too much I don’t want to look too keen. How do I find out her name without seeming creepy? Next week at the class maybe I’ll make more effort, I’ll wash my hair, wear something compliment-worthy but not look like I’ve tried too hard. Maybe we’ll end up exchanging numbers and we can make plans with the babies.

To be honest, actual dating was easier. For a start you can be pissed which helps enormously but is generally frowned upon in mother and baby groups.

New mums live in fear of judgement from Health Visitors, family members, strangers in the supermarket and especially women in ‘groups’. All I wanted was someone I could talk to about anything other than babies, who wouldn’t think me weird or judge my parenting skills.

So what did I do? I shrunk my personality, played down my previous life and talked about generic shit. Did it work? Was this the answer to meeting ‘realness’? Errrm no.

These days, 3 years down the line, I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I am myself, I talk about odd topics and friends laugh at and with me, which is fine. I have consequently met the warmest, most authentic supportive muvvas.  So I raise a discarded crustless sandwich, snotty tissue and sippy cup to you all. Thank you and here’s to being you.

clare macdonald

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