Newborn mothering myths

Molly Whitehead-Jones - 14 Jun 16

So my baby’s gradually turning into a toddler (wah!), meaning we officially survived the newborn phase – and weathered the barrage of useless advice that inevitably came along with it…

Here are the new motherhood myths that I found to very much not apply.

‘The best thing to do is sleep when the baby sleeps’ – I’m not the first person to call bullshit on this one, and I’m sure I won’t be the last, but really!? Sleep when this is the first chance I’ve had to wash in three days? Rest is important, but so is peace of mind, and I for one couldn’t relax knowing that the kitchen bin’s in dire need of emptying and there isn’t a clean dish left in the house. Better advice: accept ANY help that’s offered without reserve, and use your between-feeds ‘down time’ to do whatever makes you feel more at ease.

‘Mum knows best’ – No matter how many books you’ve read on the subject or how prepared you think you are, new motherhood is massively disorientating and no one is an instant expert. For at least the first two months of Elliot’s life, every single day brought some new dilemma that left me feeling totally clueless. There will come a time when you (almost) totally trust your instincts when it comes to caring for your child. But in the early days, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for not always knowing the right thing to do. Seeking advice – from a doctor, from your health visitor, from your own mum, hell, even from Google if you’re careful about it – doesn’t make you a terrible mother; it makes you a conscientious, calmer one.

‘You’ll never finish a cup of tea again’ – You will; just pick your moments!

‘Your baby will be happier/smarter if you take them to baby yoga/baby massage/sensory storytime, etc.’ – Don’t get me wrong: stimulating activities like this definitely have their value (not least that they get you out of the house for a bit). But, during the first four months or so, I tired myself out trying to get Elliot to things on time, believing that it would – MUST – massively benefit him. Truth is, 80 per cent of the time, he spent the majority of them asleep or very cranky. Now we choose our activities carefully and I don’t let myself feel bad if we’re having an off day and don’t manage to get to a class; I’m pretty confident he won’t be bringing up “that Thursday that we didn’t make it to Gymtots” in therapy 30 years from now.

‘This time is just so amazing – cherish it’ – Caring for a newborn is amazing (those tiny toes! Those gorgeous noises! All the cuddles! etc. etc.), but it is also terrifying and exhausting. There will be plenty of moments when you’ll be overwhelmed by the miracle you’ve achieved, but there will also be days when your overriding emotion will be panic, guilt, or even regret. You don’t have to love every moment of it. Sometimes just getting through the day together is enough.

 ‘You can’t have too many muslins’ – Nope. 35. 35 is too many.

Molly Whitehead-Jones

Molly Whitehead-Jones is a first-time mum living in Manchester and founder of Mamas Collective, a mums group that offers meetups, workshops & events for savvy, super-cool mamas who love their kids but won’t let motherhood hold them back.

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