Oh Boy! What’s the big deal?

Rosie Willcock - 23 Nov 16

I am the mother of 3 boys. I am cursed. I lucked-out in the lottery of life, doomed by the definite prospect of years of wrestling, farts, grunts and chaos ahead. That is judging by reactions I receive wherever we go. This doesn’t much bother me as its usually fairly well intentioned and mostly ignorant however it was when someone I know (with Jack, Jack and Jill) recently informed me that “it’s just not the same having boys…. They get married and they just don’t love you as much any more” that my hackles shot through the roof and it got me trawling through my foggy cerebral vacuum for what this meant and why it bothered me so much. I very shortly thereafter discovered the apparently well known phrase ‘a daughter is yours for life, a son is your son until he takes a wife’. Meh. There are so many reasons I just can’t tolerate these comments and this is why…..

Firstly, I flaming well LOVE being a mummy to boys.. Just as much I imagine as I would to girls. I have never had a preference to the gender of my babies and am jolly lucky with my lot in life. After 2 boys it was everyone’s assumption that we would be desperately keen for a girl and whilst natural curiosity did veer us toward the pink at times, we really were just delighted to welcome another human to the world and weren’t fussed what colour it was. Is that so hard to believe? To recieve relentless pity makes me incredibly protective over my pure, innocent and seriously awesome Muskateers. What is so wrong with boys? They get a bad rep and it vexes me.

Secondly, NO ONE CAN EVER PREDICT THE FUTURE. Brexit and Trumps triumph go some way to prove that. But seriously, my little boys have a wonderfully fulfilling and exciting life ahead of them, I hope. I aim to set them up for that but what I can’t tell you (and none of us can) is what path they will lead. What struggles or thrills they might encounter threading their way through life’s rich tapestry. HOLD THE PHONE… They might not marry, they might not marry a female … Something about assuming/forecasting the future of a 3 year old seems ignorant to me. Just make it to adulthood, unscathed and happy please.

Thirdly, This is 2016 and for all its foibles we are in an era where the educated and decent people of our world accept and uphold the fact that the ‘dividing’ line between male and female is far less divisional than 5 let alone 50 years ago. Sure there are differences but they aren’t polar and dissimilarity is often in character as much as anything else. Is it acceptable to think both girls and boys are awesome?

And lastly, I suppose this is also a note to my future self. Don’t ever become that person desperately vying for your sons attention (against his work/loved ones/struggles/delights). You may have spawn the chap(s) and had the task (grating though it was at times) of guiding him through this mad world we live in: you do not own him, you never did. You were just incredibly lucky to join him on his journey and watch with wonder as it unveiled.

Rosie Willcock

Mummy of 3 boys - Henry (7), Freddie (5) and Paddy (3). Rosie lives in Oxfordshire and juggles a career in gardening with writing and mumming: @rosierthings www.rosiewillcock.co.uk

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