Yep, to anyone who wants to ask “no we won’t be having another baby”. There’s something about ‘only’ having one that causes people to ask “so when’s baby number two arriving?” its like a reflex reaction, as if the thought of sticking with one child isn’t normal, surely there must be more. As it turns out when I look to the future it doesn’t include another ‘hit by a train’ style birth or pacing up and down the hall at three in the morning praying the little poppet stops crying and goes to sleep before I actually die of tiredness. Despite this I can’t help but feel a nagging little stigma hovering over my head… Is it ok to stick with one?

Don’t get me wrong, its not that I don’t love being a mum because I do (which is lucky because thats all I do!) but I’m not sure I’m built to be a mum of two. I went through a BIG broody phase last year when the NCT mates were getting knocked-up again, not that I wanted a baby at that point (the thought of having a two year old AND a newborn gives me cold sweats) but I wasn’t ready to never be pregnant again. Nature is a funny thing, it makes you forget all the bad stuff and somehow turn the whole experience of pregnancy into a sentimental RomCom (basically where you’re not constantly tired, peeing every five minutes, crying at ads on TV, or downing Gaviscon every evening).

This year things feel different, a bit like the old cliche ‘getting my life back’.  Pre-school starts this week and I’ll actually have time to get my shit together and start doing some grown up stuff like work (or blogging because that’s cooler and more fun). Life with one is surely easier, I never thought I’d be ‘that’ mum but I think I am. I just have to pretend I don’t feel guilty for putting myself first or for not giving her all the fun of a sibling, or wonder if life would have been more complete with two kids. So, all good then.

I was clearing out ‘baby’ stuff the other day and I felt sad to have to get rid of things. It probably sounds daft but anything she has touched as a baby is irreplaceable so must be hoarded and stored forever and ever. Not the Vtech Crawl & Learn ball though, that can piss off. I had a bit of a wobble when we sold the old car seat, I remember bringing her home in that so it feels like a part of history that should be preserved with the other stuff, but that probably is a step too far though, crying over a MaxiCosi Pebble.

Will just have to reassure myself that she WILL have friends and she WON’T be socially impaired because she doesn’t have a sibling at home to kick the crap out her, tease her ALL the time, and steal her stuff. I read that Adele is an only child, so it must be a good thing. Hormones are a cruel mistress though, maybe they’ll get the better of me and I’ll change my tune as I approach 40 (which is worryingly close already), but for now its one and done without the ‘only’.

Originally posted on https://The-Motherload.co.uk