close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

Our blended family baby.

1
When I met my now husband I had 3 kids from my previous marriage and he had 2. We met on an online dating agency (hello modern world) and we both ticked maybe in the box that asked ‘would you like to have more children’. In my mind I was swaying pretty darn heavily to ticking NO, HELL NO but strangely I couldn’t find that box? So I ticked the box that was less likely to reduce my options men wise, I played it safe, I ticked maybe (don’t judge me everyone tweaks their profiles a little, some asseholes even say they’re single!! I digress) so I
SelfishMother.com
2
ticked maybe, he ticked maybe and (based on a shed load of other stuff) we got matched.

We fell in love (barf) and moved in together (hell on earth for the year of settling) and then 2 years in, what do you know, I get knocked up!!!

So many emotions hit us like a truck.

How would the other kids take it?
Would they feel pushed aside while we got excited for our ‘new’ micro family?
How would the shift in family dynamic work?
Were we strong enough as a couple to have a baby alongside our 5 other kids and the baggage that comes with a

SelfishMother.com
3
blended family?
Whose surname would it take? My children had their dads surname, his kids had a double barrelled affair with mum and dads name and I had my maiden name. I was the odd one out, I wanted this baby to have my name.
And where the hecky peck would it sleep? We were already full to capacity!

I realised pretty quickly that a lot of my concerns had been a left over from my childhood (as are so many of our fears) my mum and step-dad had a baby when I was 6 and I really never felt close to that boy even now we have no relationship, but at

SelfishMother.com
4
the time, when they brought him home from the hospital I hated my new brother. I felt that my step-dad would no longer love me or even want me, that I would be left behind watching this family become one, and that is exactly how I felt from that point on. So it was natural that in exactly the same scenario I felt that our kids would feel the same.

Then came the scan. We chose to ask the sex of the baby (not only am I a nosey bugger I also feel that I bond better with the baby when knowing who it is, if that makes sense?) They said it was a boy (he

SelfishMother.com
5
already has 2 boys)! My heart sank and tears started to roll! Now, I am well aware of the rate of infertility and that I was having my 4th child who gives a fu*k was sex it was? But right at that moment, an irrational feeling of inadequacy washed over me. I needed to give him something his ex wife hadn’t (pathetic right?) I wanted our baby to be different from the ones he had with her, I wanted to give him a daughter! Being the amazing man that he is, I could have given him a 4 headed toad and he would have been ecstatic, so after a while of me crying
SelfishMother.com
6
and snotting everywhere and him assuring me that he was as happy to have another boy as he would have been to having a girl, we looked at the photo of our little boy and welcomed him to our family.

When we got home we called all the kids around the table and told them that it was a boy, my daughter dropped her head and wailed, an instantaneous response of disappointment (this poor boy was up against a tough crowd) she is surrounded by brothers, real, step and now a soon to be half, no sister in sight. I took her upstairs let her riffle through the

SelfishMother.com
7
tiny blue baby grows and muslin squares I’d bought on the way home and as instantly as her previous meltdown came on, she fell in love.

And then came the name, there were so many banded around but when there’s 7 of you involved in choosing, it can take a while!  My favourite was Ace, him, not so impressed. Until we started actually looking into the meaning of the names and Ace meant; “The name Ace is an Anglo-Saxon baby name. In Anglo-Saxon the meaning of the name Ace is: Unity.” So there, it was decided our little blended baby, the one who

SelfishMother.com
8
united the two families, he was to be Ace.

I had an amazing home birth with an amazing Doula, our boy swam into the pool in our kitchen and joined our family. From that day on, this child (now 3) could not be more loved by his siblings, all my fears melted away the moment I saw them with him. He is the glue that brings us together, he is our unity, he is our Ace.

Stepfamily word coud on a white background.
SelfishMother.com

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 22 Feb 16

When I met my now husband I had 3 kids from my previous marriage and he had 2. We met on an online dating agency (hello modern world) and we both ticked maybe in the box that asked ‘would you like to have more children’. In my mind I was swaying pretty darn heavily to ticking NO, HELL NO but strangely I couldn’t find that box? So I ticked the box that was less likely to reduce my options men wise, I played it safe, I ticked maybe (don’t judge me everyone tweaks their profiles a little, some asseholes even say they’re single!! I digress) so I ticked maybe, he ticked maybe and (based on a shed load of other stuff) we got matched.

We fell in love (barf) and moved in together (hell on earth for the year of settling) and then 2 years in, what do you know, I get knocked up!!!

So many emotions hit us like a truck.

  • How would the other kids take it?
  • Would they feel pushed aside while we got excited for our ‘new’ micro family?
  • How would the shift in family dynamic work?
  • Were we strong enough as a couple to have a baby alongside our 5 other kids and the baggage that comes with a blended family?
  • Whose surname would it take? My children had their dads surname, his kids had a double barrelled affair with mum and dads name and I had my maiden name. I was the odd one out, I wanted this baby to have my name.
  • And where the hecky peck would it sleep? We were already full to capacity!

I realised pretty quickly that a lot of my concerns had been a left over from my childhood (as are so many of our fears) my mum and step-dad had a baby when I was 6 and I really never felt close to that boy even now we have no relationship, but at the time, when they brought him home from the hospital I hated my new brother. I felt that my step-dad would no longer love me or even want me, that I would be left behind watching this family become one, and that is exactly how I felt from that point on. So it was natural that in exactly the same scenario I felt that our kids would feel the same.

Then came the scan. We chose to ask the sex of the baby (not only am I a nosey bugger I also feel that I bond better with the baby when knowing who it is, if that makes sense?) They said it was a boy (he already has 2 boys)! My heart sank and tears started to roll! Now, I am well aware of the rate of infertility and that I was having my 4th child who gives a fu*k was sex it was? But right at that moment, an irrational feeling of inadequacy washed over me. I needed to give him something his ex wife hadn’t (pathetic right?) I wanted our baby to be different from the ones he had with her, I wanted to give him a daughter! Being the amazing man that he is, I could have given him a 4 headed toad and he would have been ecstatic, so after a while of me crying and snotting everywhere and him assuring me that he was as happy to have another boy as he would have been to having a girl, we looked at the photo of our little boy and welcomed him to our family.

When we got home we called all the kids around the table and told them that it was a boy, my daughter dropped her head and wailed, an instantaneous response of disappointment (this poor boy was up against a tough crowd) she is surrounded by brothers, real, step and now a soon to be half, no sister in sight. I took her upstairs let her riffle through the tiny blue baby grows and muslin squares I’d bought on the way home and as instantly as her previous meltdown came on, she fell in love.

And then came the name, there were so many banded around but when there’s 7 of you involved in choosing, it can take a while!  My favourite was Ace, him, not so impressed. Until we started actually looking into the meaning of the names and Ace meant; “The name Ace is an Anglo-Saxon baby name. In Anglo-Saxon the meaning of the name Ace is: Unity.” So there, it was decided our little blended baby, the one who united the two families, he was to be Ace.

I had an amazing home birth with an amazing Doula, our boy swam into the pool in our kitchen and joined our family. From that day on, this child (now 3) could not be more loved by his siblings, all my fears melted away the moment I saw them with him. He is the glue that brings us together, he is our unity, he is our Ace.

Stepfamily word coud on a white background.
Stepfamily word coud on a white background.

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

I’m Lauren, mum of 4 humans, each with their very own birth story. Red wine drinker, keen blogger, trash tv watcher and pretty hard core potty mouth! But, with a good heart and a passion for setting lovely women like you onto a path towards a positive birthing experience, and we’ll have fun doing it; always a bonus! I teach The Wise Hippo Birthing Programme and am a Doula Uk recognised Doula

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media