Overcoming Phobias in Children

Corporate to Kids - 16 Apr 19

It’s reported that 5% of children and 16% of teenagers in the UK have a phobia. Until recently, both my boys were petrified of dogs. It made visiting a park or a friend’s house with dogs, near impossible. More though than just impossible, it made life very stressful. It’s painful to witness both your children screaming and shaking with fear in the presence of a dog. So, we tackled it. The process involved more tears (don’t discount me, I have done my fair share of blubbing), a regular commitment and sheer bravery.

What is a phobia?

Phobia is the fear of something or a specific situation. A reaction can include crying, tantrums, trembling, shortness of breath, running away, sweating or an increased heart rate. Why would any parent want their child to experience this when our instinct is to protect them? I admit that I probably made the situation worse by avoiding dogs at all costs. However, if we did venture across dogs, they both cried, screamed and shook with fear. It was something I wanted to protect them from.

Nature vs. nurture

I have been asked a million times why the boys had such an intense fear of dogs? It’s like everyone expects a trigger, an awful episode that explains the phobia, some solid case of nurture taking charge. The answer is, I have no idea. I do wonder if my youngest has somewhat ‘copied’ his brother’s reaction to dogs. I’m no psychiatrist, so I have no confirmation. Possibly it’s genetic as a dog once bit me as a child. It wasn’t particularly violent or death-defying, just an overgrown poodle who had the cheek to clamp onto my elbow. No blood, no injuries. Maybe I have somehow passed this on to the boys. Possibly. Maybe. I’m doubtful.

Phobias in children

Unfortunately, phobias will become more severe over time if they are not tackled. Many people told me that the boy’s fear would just disappear as they got older. At four and five the fear they demonstrated seemed to be intensifying rather than depleting. It’s very difficult to calm down a child who has such intense fear. There’s no use saying that the dog won’t hurt them, because in their little heads, er yes it will. It’s pointless to try and rationalise the situation because they are petrified. I have lost count of the times a dog has come bounding over to us, and the owner has said ‘It’s okay, they won’t hurt you.’ That’s all well and good when you’re not afraid, but it‘s bloody useless to those who are.

What did we do?

I learned about dog training classes. From Fear to Friend is a fantastic company who run free classes to combat the fear of dogs. They were about a forty-minute drive away and consisted of ten fortnightly sessions from five to six on Wednesday nights. Were they convenient, no not at all, but I knew it was time to do something. They were run entirely by amazing volunteers, who I am so grateful for. The first session simply involved talking about dogs and my youngest spent the entire session lolling around moaning that it was boring. I honestly doubted how we would progress.

Why it worked

Each session the volunteers would introduce more dogs and more techniques for interaction. There was a collective sense of apprehension amongst the parents. We were advised to ignore our children if they became upset, which they all did at some point. It was incredibly stressful to watch my children crying and calling for me while having to ignore them. Many of the parents cried, including me. I sobbed when both boys first stroked and groomed a dog. It was a mixture of relief and hope: maybe our lives were about to change.

Without trying to sound too smug, if your child has a phobia, it’s worth tackling it as soon as you can. A psychiatrist is a good start in reviewing a child’s phobia and may recommend talking therapies such as CBT. Alternatively, look for classes like the ones we attended. For all the difficulty of facing their fears, they are changed children and I have one less parenting challenge to combat!

Corporate to Kids

Who: Sarah - Queen of self-deprecation Job: from corporate HR career to Mum, Writer and Blogger Children: two boys with a 13 month age gap!! Obsessions: writing, Haribos, rainbows, coffee, fizz

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