PARTIES: SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

Georgina Fuller - 14 Dec 14

Our eldest son, Charlie, is now in year one at school and will turn six in February. He is, what you might call, a handful. Loud, boisterous, easily excitable – pretty much the same as a puppy except even more of a liability at times. Which can make Christmas parties, or any celebrations with lots of people, something on a nightmare for me as his mum. My beloved son is also hugely sensitive, funny, intelligent, loving, kind and thoughtful but his better attributes can be obscured by his forceful personality.

At first, as he was our eldest, I thought every child was like that but, looking back, I realise he has always stood out from the crowd. He was the noisiest baby in our NCT group and easily recognisable by the sheer volume of his cry. Playgroups have always been something of a hazard and when he started pre-school at two and a half, his key worker said she needed additional support to help ‘manage’ him.

When we had our second son, who is a much gentler sort, I realised just what a livewire Charlie is. Which makes me think that nature probably rules over nurture all though I know that could be seen as a get-out clause for lax parenting. Being Charlie’s mum has never been easy and I have often felt judged by the helicopter parents in the playground or softplay. I was, or so I am told, very similar when I was little but I calmed down by the time I got to secondary school so I am hoping he will do the same.

Which brings me to my current dilemma. Christmas, birthdays, halloween etc are all hugely exciting to a five year old and he is now at an age where I can, in theory at least, leave him at parties. I am, however, reluctant to do so because of his often outlandish behaviour and the fact that hardly any other parents in his class at school seem to think this is acceptable. I would have thought that most other mums and dads would jump at the chance of a few hours off to do the weekend shopping or catch up on chores but most of the parents at Charlie’s school stay for the whole party. As I also have a two year old and a seventh month old baby this is not really feasible unless my husband is looking after the other two.

At what point, I wonder, do parents start to leave their children and will this ever be something I can do?! Maybe it’s a bit like smoking at a wedding – once one person does it, everyone follows suit. There have been a few occasions when I was heavily pregnant or shortly after our baby daughter was born when I have asked one of the other mum’s to keep an eye on him but I have always felt a bit guilty afterwards.

Would I feel less guilty if he was a bit easier and quieter? Am I being a bit paranoid and aren’t all children loud and excitable at parties anyway? I suppose until he’s at an age where I really can leave him to it or until people start taking a more hands off approach with their own kids, I’ll be staying.

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Georgina Fuller

Georgina Fuller is a freelance journalist, reluctant realist and mother of three; Charlie (8), Edward (5) and Jemima (3.) She writes for The Daily Telegraph, The Guardian, Red, Smallish, Little London magazine and anyone else who pays her. After eight years in London, she now lives in a Midsomer Murdersesque village on the edge of the Cotswolds.

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