Pregnancy and the start of baby brain

Hannah Ricci - 1 Sep 15

My baby-clad friends constantly warn me that my life will never be the same again once our bambino arrives. I smile nervously, nod and inwardly freak out, wondering for the millionth time if my husband and I are ready for this.

But to be honest, it’s like I’m experiencing an advance preview of this momentous life change already. Ever since I saw the word pregnant appear on the test in Tesco’s toilet (I couldn’t even wait to get it home), my mind, emotions and body have not felt like my own. The growing baby and our future with him or her is all I can think about and I was not at all prepared for this all consuming brain-takeover.

My first trimester coincided with moving house and major renovation work, as well as the busiest time of year for my business. The timing couldn’t be worse for grappling with nausea, chronic fatigue and the emotional turmoil that the first three months of pregnancy brings.

It has taken every ounce of willpower to peel myself off the dust sheet-covered sofa to meet with excited brides and conjure up beautiful wedding flowers, in between stripping wallpaper and presenting a professional front in the day job.

Floristry, interior design and writing are my major passions; yet summing up enthusiasm for any of them lately has been an astonishing mental struggle. It’s been such a shock to feel so disinterested in pursuits I normally love and have spent my life working towards.

The physical exhaustion is one thing (napping is my new favourite pastime), but the mental exhaustion is something else entirely. My mind is so full of baby, I struggle to think of anything else.

From obsessing over names and online shopping for nursery décor, to perusing pregnancy apps and studying my slowly growing bump, there’s never a moment when I’m not thinking about the little being set to throw our lives upside down. It’s exciting but also incredibly draining, and I barely recognise the baby-crazed lunatic I’ve become.

I’m surprised how much my mental state has changed, given that he or she hasn’t even arrived yet. I’m envious of my husband, who can focus on the task at hand, while mentally queuing up jobs for the rest of the day or week. That used to be me: the ultimate multi-tasker. Now all I can think about is whether the baby will inherit his nose or mine.

During particularly tough times in the first three months, I clung onto the assurance from friends and family that I would start to feel better in the second trimester. I was naively hoping a switch would flick to bring my old energetic self back, with renewed vigour in my work and interests.

Unfortunately, this hasn’t happened but I’m learning just to go with it and accept that it’s a phase that won’t last forever. I hope.

My pregnancy experience to date feels like some level of insight into the life-changing event that lies ahead, letting me know this baby will consume our lives for evermore. I used to feel certain I wouldn’t let a baby change me and my outlook on life, but now I’m not so sure that’s possible. I just hope there’s some room in the new life for my old loves and interests so I don’t lose sight of myself completely.

Hannah Ricci

Hannah Ricci runs floral design studio, Bloom Fleuriste, which specialises in weddings and events across the West Midlands. She also works as a copywriter and editor in the online marketing world, and is expecting her first baby in February 2016.

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