Prenatal anxiety

Naomi Jones - 12 Apr 17

Shortly after the birth of my second son I found myself being asked a lot if we were planning to have another baby. Give a girl a break! The short answer is no, we’re perfectly happy as a family of four. The long answer is I’m not sure I could go through it again. Not the birth, which was actually a really positive experience (especially compared to my previous labour).

It was pregnancy I found hard. I know it isn’t easy for lots of women – pelvic girdle pain, constant sickness, carpal tunnel syndrome, swollen ankles, heartburn, gestational diabetes, the list goes on. Isn’t growing a person glamorous? Sure I suffered with some of those things but what I really struggled with was anxiety. I’d worried a little now and then during my first pregnancy, but who doesn’t?

However second time round it hit me like a ton of bricks. The anxiety was crippling and constant. My worries were out of control. Random ‘what if’ scenarios would leave me wide-awake in the middle of the night for hours on end. I felt nervous driving and started to avoid it. I had a couple of panic attacks and struggled to breathe. Then I worried about having them again. And worried about what effect they were having on my unborn child.

It was incessant but it was feeling disconnected from myself that I found most terrifying. I felt like the person I was had disappeared overnight, replaced by this woman I no longer recognised. My emotions were so up and down my poor husband didn’t know what had hit him. I spoke to my midwife about it who arranged additional support for me and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It really helped and gradually my anxiety eased. Once I had my baby, the anxiety went almost as quickly as it had come. Hormones eh?

I found it really, really hard to talk about at the time. Even to my husband. I felt embarrassed. A failure. That worrying all the time would somehow make things go wrong for our baby. That I didn’t have any problems big enough to justify the way I felt. I didn’t, but anxiety doesn’t really work like that.

I did try to tell some people. I remember an old friend asking me how I was feeling and me tentatively telling her I felt a bit worried. She brushed it under the carpet with a breezey ‘oh I’m sure it’ll all be worth it when the baby is born.’ I shut up after that and continued to hide how I really felt from most people. After all you’re supposed to enjoy pregnancy, right? It was a lonely time.

Prenatal anxiety is surprisingly common. More than one in ten women suffer from it and google tells me it can lead to an increased risk of postnatal depression if untreated. I didn’t have any of the risk factors. I’ve never suffered with depression before or previously experienced anxiety. To most people who saw me when I was pregnant it probably didn’t seem like anything was wrong. Which made it hard for people to help even if they might have wanted to.

So to those friends who did offer me a little more kindness when I felt like a distant shadow of myself; those who delivered cake to my doorstep, supplied me with decaf tea and biscuits, and text to see how I was doing just because. Thank you. Sometimes it’s the little kindnesses that count the most. And to anyone else suffering from anxiety, pre or post natal. You’re not alone. Hang in there. Seek help. It does get better.

Naomi Jones

Proud mum to two small boys, children's author and book reviewer. My debut picture book The Perfect Fit publishes in March 2021. I live in Cornwall with my husband, two boys and a very springy springer spaniel. @NaomiJones_1

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