Raising a Feminist Son

Julie Paterson - 10 Mar 18

On International Women’s Day I was thinking of the women who have inspired me,
my family members, my friends and my colleagues, but in the forefront of my mind
was someone who isn’t even female.

That person is my son.

I consider it one of the most important jobs I have to raise him to be someone who
treats women with respect, who sees women as equals and who doesn’t think that having
a penis gives him any special privileges.

In short, I want to raise him as a feminist.

I’m lucky that my partner is supportive, believes in equality, shares responsibility for
childcare and is a great role model and Dad.

But wait a minute…am I? Shouldn’t everyone be able to expect an equal
partnership, responsibility for childcare and respect in their relationship regardless of
their sex and the sex of their partner?

The answer is, of course, yes but the reality often falls short thanks to the patriarchal
society we live in.

Children’s toys are now more divided by gender than when I was growing up in the
80s. Quite often the only colour options available for toys are pink or blue and they
are marketed on the basis of gender. Although girls are often encouraged to fight
stereotypes the same can’t be said for boys.

I want my son to know that it’s okay to express his emotions – all his emotions –
and that it’s ok to cry. I want him to know its ok to play with dolls and dress up as a
princess if he wants to. I want him to be able to ask for help if he needs it. I don’t
want his choices to be limited by his gender and societal expectations.

I also want to ensure that he can take care of himself and that he doesn’t grow up
expecting somebody else to do that for him. I want him to be able to cook, clean and
tidy and to expect men to contribute equally to household chores. I need him to see
my partner hoovering and me mowing the lawn so that he doesn’t grow up with
expectations of how household chores should be divided.

If I don’t like the way a woman is depicted in TV shows, films or books, I challenge
that. I talk to my son about why men and women are sometimes portrayed the way
they are. I can teach him media literacy. I can teach him to challenge stereotypes.

I recently asked my son, who is almost four, if a toy was for boys or girls, curious to
see what his response would be. So I was proud when he shouted “Don’t be silly
Mummy, it’s for boys and girls!”

Can we raise a generation of boys who believe in equality for all so that we don’t
even need to call ourselves feminists anymore? One thing I’m sure of, to eradicate
misogyny and to achieve equality, we need to raise feminist sons as well as feminist
daughters.

Julie Paterson

Julie Paterson is a sometime writer, photographer and IT geek. Mother to Arran (3), she last slept in 2014.

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