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Rollercoaster (bad language)

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Sometimes, I feel like I’m on a never ending rollercoaster. Just as you feel like you’ve risen to the top, you go a 100mph plummeting back down into more depths of despair hanging around every corner like it’s some kind of surprise. Except, it’s not a surprise, it’s to be expected when on a constant loop trapped under a metal bar that makes you feel the wrath of every awkward twist of fate.

Thing is, I love rollercoasters, sorry wait, I love rollercoasters you can ACTUALLY get off. Ma bad.

At 31, a single mother, torn between life’s too

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short, buy the shoes and shit when the fuck is pay day; the kids got to eat. I probably metaphorically punch myself in the gut more than several times a day. The problem with feeling really shit about yourself and every shit thing that you are, is that when you get treated like shit, it reaffirms your own shit belief that you are shit, and the shit fest just goes around and around like a bad constipated shit that won’t ever flush down the shit fucking toilet.

Then one day, unexpectedly, you get an apology. An apology that you truly, in every which

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way, deserve. I’ve never received an apology from anyone who has ever screwed me over. Thing is, I’m not sure how to feel really, I’ve felt emotional, tearful and almost like I’ve been hurt all over again. It’s almost like it made it real, clarified that this shit actually happened and It really truly shouldn’t have because I really didn’t deserve it.

The result? …Deep down inside, there’s a tiny me, a desperate me, knee deep in sadness that lifted her head for the first time ever, wiped her tears and whispered, …’let’s get the fuck off

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this rollercoaster’.

(Advice – Life is a rollercoaster, don’t ride it like Ronan Keating, it’s time to get the fuck off and find the tea cups.)

 

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- 10 Jul 17

Sometimes, I feel like I’m on a never ending rollercoaster. Just as you feel like you’ve risen to the top, you go a 100mph plummeting back down into more depths of despair hanging around every corner like it’s some kind of surprise. Except, it’s not a surprise, it’s to be expected when on a constant loop trapped under a metal bar that makes you feel the wrath of every awkward twist of fate.

Thing is, I love rollercoasters, sorry wait, I love rollercoasters you can ACTUALLY get off. Ma bad.

At 31, a single mother, torn between life’s too short, buy the shoes and shit when the fuck is pay day; the kids got to eat. I probably metaphorically punch myself in the gut more than several times a day. The problem with feeling really shit about yourself and every shit thing that you are, is that when you get treated like shit, it reaffirms your own shit belief that you are shit, and the shit fest just goes around and around like a bad constipated shit that won’t ever flush down the shit fucking toilet.

Then one day, unexpectedly, you get an apology. An apology that you truly, in every which way, deserve. I’ve never received an apology from anyone who has ever screwed me over. Thing is, I’m not sure how to feel really, I’ve felt emotional, tearful and almost like I’ve been hurt all over again. It’s almost like it made it real, clarified that this shit actually happened and It really truly shouldn’t have because I really didn’t deserve it.

The result? …Deep down inside, there’s a tiny me, a desperate me, knee deep in sadness that lifted her head for the first time ever, wiped her tears and whispered, …’let’s get the fuck off this rollercoaster’.

(Advice – Life is a rollercoaster, don’t ride it like Ronan Keating, it’s time to get the fuck off and find the tea cups.)

 

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A Mother, a Wife, a part-time Project Manager, a very bad but keen runner and a blogger. #badparent is my brutally honest & hopefully humorous (at times a little sweary) account of parenthood with my two tiny humans. http://hashtagbadparent.com/

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