ROUND TWO OF MOTHERHOOD!

MAMA SNOWBEAR - 10 Feb 18

So, I have been thinking recently about how my youngest has grown up – because it totally catches me by surprise this second time round, seriously where has my baby gone.

I don’t think I was prepared for this and it feels like she’s maybe being a bit naughty and deliberately growing up/doing something memorable or big when I’m not looking like talking, where has this full-blown adult kidult conversation appeared from. She’s my second and she’s 5 already, and I know you should never say never but I’m pretty happy with two babies and definitely not planning on anymore or at least I think I’m not.

She is growing – ageing seems the wrong word for a 5 year old – and then it hits me with such a sharp sudden realisation that it takes my breath away and brings up uncomfortable emotions of sadness and sometimes guilt. I feel like, in a weird way, I haven’t been paying as much attention as I did the first time round, how and when did she get so big.
There are not as many photos of Her as my eldest son and the baby book is not complete. We haven’t done as many class development sessions, just her and me, making every school event is a ninja tactic but I somehow manage.

Her first birthday was a much smaller affair than My eldest birthday but still pretty cool. I haven’t read up on all the homework projects, or noticed each leap/developmental stage with the same focus and the 50 reads award is not as amazing as it was first time round, bad mommy, but I’m still proud.

She fits in and is a complete social butterfly, no hand holding for this one she is off. I feel like sometimes she doesn’t get to do what she would like to as much – she doesn’t get to walk around as much as I know she would love to, adventure rocking all over the gaff. In addition, as so often happens, our walks are on the way to other places – to pick up her brother, or drop her off, or family outings.

I sometimes think – how can she be this age? Usually when I see an item of clothing that was her brothers it now fits her, or she starts showing interest in something that her brother was into at the same age. Like really being interested in books (not just trying to eat them), and art she can’t get enough of crafts. I then realise how different my perception of time has been this time round, it’s flown by so fast I’ve barley had time to catch up.

It’s a weird thing to experience, because it’s so different to the first time when it felt sometimes like there was so much time, maybe too much time at times!

I remember reading up so much about babies development online – often this would be negative though as I would think – but my baby’s not napping for two hours in his cot – I must be doing something wrong is he sleeping too much? I realise that it’s natural to be different, so different this time because I’m doing the job with experience and actually with hindsight and hindsight is a wonderful thing, I get to use it this time. That little bump to the head or knock to the knee is not as terrifyingly worthy of an A and E visit as it was the first time round, just get back up kid and dust yourself off, no wonder she is a tough cookie.

So each time I feel a bit sad, or like I could be more attentive and more present, I remind myself that she has the near-constant entertainment from her big brother. She has the more confident and experienced parents, who knew exactly what they wanted to do this time round! As in we just co-slept from the start for the first 8 months, we carried her in a baby carrier whilst mummy did her house chores. We didn’t spend time focussing on getting her to nap in her cot – plus she’s definitely had chocolate/ice cream and other treats earlier than my eldest and she was weaned off the breast pretty quickly and onto solids pronto.

It does make you wonder what it would be like with a third…but not enough to actually find out! Yet, however I am very proud of the strong independent chickadee she is already turning into, she certainly knows her own mind that’s for sure watch out boys Xx

MAMA SNOWBEAR

Mother of 2,Artist ,creator,blogger and illustrator who enjoys lots of tea and the occasional glass of malbec :)

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