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Secrets of a ‘Natural Mother’

1
Long before I became pregnant, friends always used to comment on how good I was with kids. They were more convinced than me that I would be a ‘natural’ when it came to motherhood. And who was I to correct them? I mean quite often it was mothers themselves making these comments and they knew a natural when they saw one, right? Right?

I also had a few friends, prior to having kids, that no one would have classed as the motherly type and they often openly admitted this themselves. They’d express how frightened they were about the impending arrival

SelfishMother.com
2
of their little one, that they were worried they wouldn’t have the first clue what to do, that they wouldn’t love him / her.

While I understood where they were coming from, when I fell pregnant and throughout my pregnancy the thought never entered my head that I wouldn’t love my baby wholeheartedly and immediately. I also had a reasonable amount of experience and exposure to babies to know the basics…

And yet I couldn’t have been more wrong! My daughter is now 16 months old but boy have we been on a journey together! With hindsight, I now

SelfishMother.com
3
don’t believe there is such a thing as a ‘natural mother’. I also don’t think experience with the babies of friends and relatives is a substitute or adequate preparation for being in sole charge of your very own, tiny human.

But what I really want to talk about is the ‘love’ thing. Probably one of the biggest taboos when it comes to being a new parent. Looking back I now realise that once the initial post-natal love hormones had subsided and the sleep deprivation had really started to kick in I was left shell-shocked and wondering what on

SelfishMother.com
4
earth we had done. Had we voluntarily chosen to disrupt our perfectly nice, ordered and often fun lives with this all-consuming, screaming little bundle who stole sleep and sanity? I most definitely didn’t feel this unconditional love and desire to nurture and protect that I had assumed came so naturally.

I don’t think the bonding process was helped by the fact that we were faced with a few feeding issues in the early weeks. I was angry and frustrated at her for ‘not being able to’ breastfeed whilst she was generally pissed off at being hungry

SelfishMother.com
5
and tired all the time. But even once those problems had been resolved, it wasn’t like someone flicked a switch and the love began to flow. Little by little, day by day, the smiles, the laughs, the milestones reached and now the words, cuddles and other gestures have turned that small spark of love into a veritable fireworks display of emotion!

So much so that I’ve reached the point where I have so much love for her that the thought of adding a brother or sister into the mix terrifies me. Do I really have enough love for two? Not to mention my

SelfishMother.com
6
husband, who, poor guy, has definitely dropped down the queue in the love stakes (but that’s a whole other blog post!).

I’ve debated about if and how I should write this post for a long time. I mean, its just not something that’s talked about when you become a new mum: How’s the feeding going? Is he/she sleeping through? Do you love him/her yet? But I wonder how common this feeling really is.

I hope by writing this it helps even one new mum who may feel / have felt how I did in those first few months. And that it reassures you that for some

SelfishMother.com
7
the love thing is a slow burn but hang in there because it’s so worth it!
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- 20 Jun 16

Long before I became pregnant, friends always used to comment on how good I was with kids. They were more convinced than me that I would be a ‘natural’ when it came to motherhood. And who was I to correct them? I mean quite often it was mothers themselves making these comments and they knew a natural when they saw one, right? Right?

I also had a few friends, prior to having kids, that no one would have classed as the motherly type and they often openly admitted this themselves. They’d express how frightened they were about the impending arrival of their little one, that they were worried they wouldn’t have the first clue what to do, that they wouldn’t love him / her.

While I understood where they were coming from, when I fell pregnant and throughout my pregnancy the thought never entered my head that I wouldn’t love my baby wholeheartedly and immediately. I also had a reasonable amount of experience and exposure to babies to know the basics…

And yet I couldn’t have been more wrong! My daughter is now 16 months old but boy have we been on a journey together! With hindsight, I now don’t believe there is such a thing as a ‘natural mother’. I also don’t think experience with the babies of friends and relatives is a substitute or adequate preparation for being in sole charge of your very own, tiny human.

But what I really want to talk about is the ‘love’ thing. Probably one of the biggest taboos when it comes to being a new parent. Looking back I now realise that once the initial post-natal love hormones had subsided and the sleep deprivation had really started to kick in I was left shell-shocked and wondering what on earth we had done. Had we voluntarily chosen to disrupt our perfectly nice, ordered and often fun lives with this all-consuming, screaming little bundle who stole sleep and sanity? I most definitely didn’t feel this unconditional love and desire to nurture and protect that I had assumed came so naturally.

I don’t think the bonding process was helped by the fact that we were faced with a few feeding issues in the early weeks. I was angry and frustrated at her for ‘not being able to’ breastfeed whilst she was generally pissed off at being hungry and tired all the time. But even once those problems had been resolved, it wasn’t like someone flicked a switch and the love began to flow. Little by little, day by day, the smiles, the laughs, the milestones reached and now the words, cuddles and other gestures have turned that small spark of love into a veritable fireworks display of emotion!

So much so that I’ve reached the point where I have so much love for her that the thought of adding a brother or sister into the mix terrifies me. Do I really have enough love for two? Not to mention my husband, who, poor guy, has definitely dropped down the queue in the love stakes (but that’s a whole other blog post!).

I’ve debated about if and how I should write this post for a long time. I mean, its just not something that’s talked about when you become a new mum: How’s the feeding going? Is he/she sleeping through? Do you love him/her yet? But I wonder how common this feeling really is.

I hope by writing this it helps even one new mum who may feel / have felt how I did in those first few months. And that it reassures you that for some the love thing is a slow burn but hang in there because it’s so worth it!

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Full-time mummy and women's empowerment coach. I am passionate about coaching busy women juggling careers and family life. I give women the time and space to get their worries, frustrations, hopes and dreams out of their head and into the open, to help them gain clarity and confidence to create the lives they dream about. Myself and my family have recently relocated from London to the North Yorkshire countryside, fulfilling one of our dreams. My daughter Freya is the love of my life and my best little buddy! When not working, mummy-ing and generally keeping our household going I love cooking, boxing and running! Oh and cake. And chocolate. Especially chocolate cake. I'd love you to join my Empowering Women community here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/empoweringwomencoaching/?ref=group_cover xx

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