Send Help

Mama Zen - 21 Mar 16

A transcript of text messages sent between myself and a Mum friend of mine who shall remain nameless *coughs* Emma

Received from Emma at 8.44am

Day 1174.  My captors woke me at 5.30am this morning.  They have exposed me to a sophisticated torture method involving persistent whining and the endless repetition of a song about a builder named Bob. He is the one they call upon to ‘fix’ things.

The younger captor is sleeping, but I’m afraid to take this opportunity to escape for fear of repercussions from the authorities.

Later they are taking me to gather provisions. This may involve stopping at a place they call Costa (or possibly H+H).

Send word if you can meet me. If you do not hear from me again, tell my Mother I love her.  She is a ‘survivor’ from an earlier regime …. She will understand x

Reply 9.13am

I too have been taken.  I was cruelly dragged from my bed at 5.45am. My captors are waiting for a man they call ‘Postman Pat’ to make a special delivery, and then I am being sent to a facility known as ‘Little Fishes Soft Play’. I can’t begin to imagine the subtle methods of torture that they employ there. I am truly terrified.

I will send for you as soon as I have found means to escape. Stay strong.

I have to go …..They are coming.

Received 9.23am

I fear your treatment is far worse. I have heard tell of this place called ‘soft play’.  The ‘Childminder’ has informed me that I must attend her house this afternoon for a ‘meet and greet’ with the local Police service – Code for something sinister I’m sure.

Good luck Comrade.

Sent to Emma 8pm

I have failed in my attempts to escape, but my captors are becoming sleepy. I will meet you in a ‘safe house’ as soon as I can. There is one nearby called ‘The Swan.’ We will be looked after there. I must warn you that my appearance is quite shocking. They have not allowed me to shower or sleep for days.

If I don’t make it I will send help in the form of my friend Dr. Vino. He can be trusted, but it is dangerous for him to stay too long.  I pray that you have made it.

Mama Zen

Mummy to MissChief (2yo girl) and Lil man (3yo boy) - what were we thinking?! I blog about those moments in the day that make me laugh (or cry hysterically and rock back and forth). The idea came about after my son asked me: 'Mummy, do you work for Facebook?'. I thought a blog might be a more productive way to use the eight minutes of the day I get to myself. My sister Ellie, a Mum to two boys - (8yo) and (6yo), does the sketches and produces greeting cards, capturing the more comical side of parenting. http://mamazenblog.blogspot.co.uk

View profile for posts, events and more info