Seriously?

Jo Adamson-Parker - 15 Apr 19

Squeak has Chicken Pox, but apart from being very, and I mean VERY, spotty he’s ok. The spots came to play on Friday so over the weekend he’s been very tactile with me, lots of cuddles and general soppiness, which is nice as he’s not usually like that. And there’s the problem I think! The jealousy!

So, yesterday was my ‘secret Mother’s Day treat’. Mother’s Day’s always sabotaged in our house so this year ‘The Wife’ had arranged for us to go to a local wildlife park on a ‘normal Sunday’. Clever thinking, or so we thought. We hadn’t anticipated ‘The Pox’.

We hadn’t even started the engine yesterday and Bubba was off on one. That was when he exclaimed that we liked his brother more than him because Squeak got more than he did – he was referring to the chicken pox! Obviously yes we had infected our youngest son as a special treat just for him because we loved him the most. I’m sure he was beyond excited, waiting for the itching to start!

Me and ‘The Wife’ were without words really to respond to that and besides, you can’t really argue with Bubba as he always right, even when he knows he’s not.

It’s a forty minute journey but seemed much longer as he complained about the music, the level of the music, the window not being open, him not having his own air freshener, where was his snack, could someone not give him a drink, Squeak was too loud, Squeak was talking to him, Squeak hit him, where was his snack, were we not there yet?

On and on it went. You know when you get somewhere and feel like getting out, shutting your door and…leaving them in the car?? We never do, obviously but for those few seconds after you’ve shut your door and you’re walking to theirs and you can’t hear them, it’s bliss isn’t it? Sometimes me and ‘The Wife’ will meet at the boot to enjoy the peace, fantasise about booking a flight, take a breath and then go let them out! Those few seconds make us happy!

Anyway, Squeak did well. We’d borrowed a buggy for him so walking wasn’t too much but when we stopped he’d want a cuddle and Mummy time. Usually Bubba doesn’t cuddle ‘The Wife’. He’s only really physical and tactile with me but yesterday he became a limpet – on her. Lots of draping himself on her, hugging her, saying he loved her.  In her words ‘he was properly sucking up’.

I didn’t really notice it. But then I was dealing with the attitude he threw at me, the ignoring me, the defiance and the anger – maybe made worse because I hadn’t noticed that he was trying to make me jealous! He was jealous so he tried to make me feel the same but then just got angry because I didn’t notice.

I’d tried being with Bubba, talking to him, putting my arm around him, walking with him but he rejected everything from me. When he has an idea in his head, nothing can move it and yesterday that idea was ‘I loved his brother more’.

When he’s like this I hear a friends words echoed back to me. Before he was placed with us she’d said, ‘he’ll hate you because you’re his mother figure and all his mother figures have let him down’.  At the time I thought ‘that so won’t happen’ but adoption has changed me. I now know that I can’t assume anything with my boys. I can’t take anything for granted. Nothing is ‘the norm’ and everything comes affected by early trauma.

We’re coming up to the anniversary of Bubba being with us for seven years this week. Seven years and he still doesn’t get it. He still doesn’t get that he’s loved, that he doesn’t need to fight to survive. How else do I prove my love other than with my time, my patience, by being here.

You never know, he might break out in spots this week too and see that as a sign we love him that much!!

Jo Adamson-Parker

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