SEX – who the hell is having it?!

Alexandra Rickerby - 25 Oct 17

SEX sexxxx SEXXXX s e x – who the hell is having it?

Here is BIG the thing I didn’t know….Sex post-baby is about as likely as falling over a tree stump, finding a lottery ticket under your mud-covered shoe and then going on to win the jackpot. Well, that is how it is for us anyway. I find myself constantly surprised that people are having enough sex to have a second or a third child. Given the stories of how long it takes first time around how are these people finding time for and wanting sex?!

Maybe it is just us? Although I am pretty sure it isn’t. I spent some time recently thinking everyone was at it bar us. Then I decided to ask… turns out we are not alone. The cackles and hysterical laughter that comes with the question ‘are you guys at it like bunny rabbits’ suggests SEX is no longer even close to being monthly for a lot of people. When it does happen there are hi-fives, whoops and post-coital celebrations and then a sentence that goes something like “let’s do that again in 3 months when we happen to have a date night where we get along and aren’t completely knackered”.

It is not just the rigmarole of it, the 5.30am wake-ups, the lack of time for build-up or that we are exhausted, it is the not knowing if our son is going to call out halfway through which means one of us has to go and comfort him (and that just feels odd halfway through sex). A friend of mine asked me the other day if the sex felt the same as it did before I pushed out a baby and the answer is an unequivocal NO. There is definitely more wiggle room, shall we say, and a prolapse doesn’t help either. Wider and shorter and the words that come to mind when I think of my insides.

The final thing that may put my husband off sex for life is what happened last time. It was great, as it should be. No call outs from our son, minimal exhaustion and generally a great time was had. However, 2 minutes afterwards I CRIED. I mean FFS…CRIED.  Not just a few tears but a FULL ON BLUB! The fact that there were approx 15 different sets of hands up there and way more instruments than I can count during the birth means that anytime there is any sex it all comes RUSHING BACK. Talk about a turn off.

Now..I am well aware that all this chat about vaginas and sex (or lack of) may be too much for some people. There are people who are seemingly having enough of it to breed more than once and those who are managing to find the time and the energy and do it for pleasure. The thing is I, we, just want to know your secret! Is there one…is there something we should be doing that we aren’t? There is a ton of love here but the idea of leaping on when we could be reading a book, falling asleep or generally catching up on other things does not appeal. Or in actual fact is it that very few of us are back on the bandwagon but no one is confessing?

I got an email the other day from the NHS asking me to fill in a confidential gynaecological questionnaire which included a question about how much sex we were having. I would LOVE to know the average and so hope they release it. If this article at all relates to you share the shizzle out of it so that we can all stop feeling so bloody tense about the lack of SEX and start just enjoying the LOVE.

Alexandra Rickerby is the owner of flapsandbaps.com. To read this blog and more check out facebook.com/flapsandbaps, @flapsandbaps or visit flapsandbaps.com. Thanks!

Alexandra Rickerby

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