Shit you say….

Fckitmum - 1 Mar 16

Everyone has a good anecdote about something cute/strange/funny/weird that their children say. From their first babbles and sounds like practicing SH and IT together repeatedly, loudly and in public, and calling a duck a dick, it’s one of the most endearing and entertaining parts of parenthood.

However, no-one warns to about the ridiculous things that tumble out of your mouth on a daily basis. Yes, I was prepared for the cutesy talk and trying to explain things to the child and sounding a little silly – like nicknaming my child Noodlebum or Princess Dave (don’t ask). But I was not at all prepared for the quite frankly bonkers conversation that comes with being a parent of a toddler that has seeped into my every day vernacular but on reflection are things I never thought I would utter and certainly utter without a hint of irony.

Initially I shuddered when this started to happen, and tried to fight it with ignoring the situation, or trying to be all grown up and proper about it. Who was I? What had happened to my sophisticated (in my head) repartee? Why on earth had I started talking like a slightly weird person about slightly (totally) weird things loudly in public?

Pearls of wisdom that have come out of the mouths of either myself or my fellow parents in arms in the last week include:

Please put Baby Jesus down. Yes, thank you. Wait – No please don’t pick up Mary, oh OK – she looks a little more robust than Baby Jesus. That’s fine you can have her, just don’t flush her down the toilet please, she won’t like that and Joseph will be sad. 

Sweetie, this isn’t a disco. Please can you sit down and save your dancing for later ( ….this is in church, during a wedding service, while Amazing Grace was being sung).

What are you eating from the floor?  Toast, cool. Oh no, hang on – you didn’t have toast this morning…. you had toast last Tuesday. Better give that to me. Here’s a banana. You don’t want that? I’ll put it on the floor for you to pick up. OK that’s better.

Please don’t headbutt your father in the testicles. He may get hurt.

Come here please. That lady really doesn’t want you trying to crawl through her legs. No don’t stand up, you’ll get stuck under her skirt.

Please don’t touch that dogs bottom, he doesn’t like it. No not your bottom either. Can we just leave the bottoms alone… Here, have some raisins. 

I’ve managed to now embrace this new found eccentric side of me. What I have realized is that sometimes you need to just let go, throw caution to the wind and just say it how it literally is to get through the day. It’s moments like these that provide you with pure comedy gold, and help you see that no matter how hard things are that there is always light, and a toddler doing something weird, at the end of the tunnel to make it all worthwhile.

What’s the strangest thing you have found yourself saying recently?

Fckitmum

Gin expert I Little person keeper alive-er I Master of #fckitparenting I Occasional blogger

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