close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

SIMPLY A MUM

1
Please believe me, I am not suggesting that there is anything simple about being a mum or a parent. It’s like putting flat pack furniture together with instructions that are partly in Japanese and partly in Danish. However, in my circumstances I long to be thought of as ‘simply a mum.’

I am a single mum, not by choice, but I have been on my own with my child since I first found out I was pregnant. It was far from ideal, but I made the best of it. So there is no man at home to massage my feet, I buy a foot massager. My relationship with that

SelfishMother.com
2
foot massager was one of my more successful ones, by the way. I don’t have a birthing partner, so I waddle home to mum. If she was surprised at how much I swore, she didn’t let on. And when my son, Xavier, was born I was so happy and overjoyed to meet him that although I worried about not giving him the conventional family, I didn’t have too much time to dwell on it.

I was simply a mum. I had given birth, I breastfed, I didn’t sleep, I fretted at the fact he cried and I I fretted that I cried; I didn’t know what was wrong with either of us.

SelfishMother.com
3
It was the most wonderfully confusing, tiring, crazy time of my life. But then, life changed. Everything changed.

At two months old, Xavier was jaundice, and to cut a long story short we ended up seeing a consultant at the hospital on Boxing day when as a belated Christmas gift I was told that my perfect baby boy needed to be tested for Down’s Syndrome.

There was a moment where the colour of parenthood I’d been living turned black and white. I didn’t know what it meant; I didn’t have any experience so all I could think of was darkness and

SelfishMother.com
4
doom. Everywhere I looked I saw prejudice, the worst thing was that prejudice was mine.

I was informed on New Year’s Eve that Xavier had tested positive for Down’s Syndrome. In a phone call whereby the consultant told me there was good news and bad news. The good news was that my son had a gall bladder (really good news? I didn’t even know that was). The bad news was that he had Down’s Syndrome.

I shut down. As blackness descended I really didn’t know if I would cope; for some unknown reason I saw a bleak future; for him and for me. I fed

SelfishMother.com
5
my baby, I bathed him, I held him, and I wept. The worst thing was that after the diagnosis l I looked at my two-month-old baby and I saw a stranger. I will never forgive myself for that.

Luckily I pulled myself out of the gloom fairly quickly. I was feeding Xavier one night and I looked at him and I thought ‘I know you.’ And I did. He was the same baby I had carried for nine months, the same baby I gave birth to, the baby I was breastfed and adored.
It was as if everything had changed but nothing had changed.

Five years down the line, we are

SelfishMother.com
6
a tight little unit. I love my boy more than ever and he is positively thriving. All the images I had of Down’s Syndrome (my outdated prejudices) have largely been dispelled. I have a very bright, strong-willed, funny, anti-social, gorgeous son. One who reminds me in so many ways of myself. I’m not saying there hasn’t been challenges, but show me a parent who says parenting is easy and I’ll show you one who has a full time nanny.

I happen to be a single mum, my child happens to have Down’s Syndrome. But first and foremost I am simply a mum,

SelfishMother.com
7
doing my best to love and nurture my child. And that is exactly how I want to be seen.

Motherhood is different for all of us… if you’d like to share your thoughts, why not join our Writing Network & start posting?

Tweet the author @FaithBleasdale

SelfishMother.com

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 22 Oct 14

Please believe me, I am not suggesting that there is anything simple about being a mum or a parent. It’s like putting flat pack furniture together with instructions that are partly in Japanese and partly in Danish. However, in my circumstances I long to be thought of as ‘simply a mum.’

I am a single mum, not by choice, but I have been on my own with my child since I first found out I was pregnant. It was far from ideal, but I made the best of it. So there is no man at home to massage my feet, I buy a foot massager. My relationship with that foot massager was one of my more successful ones, by the way. I don’t have a birthing partner, so I waddle home to mum. If she was surprised at how much I swore, she didn’t let on. And when my son, Xavier, was born I was so happy and overjoyed to meet him that although I worried about not giving him the conventional family, I didn’t have too much time to dwell on it.

I was simply a mum. I had given birth, I breastfed, I didn’t sleep, I fretted at the fact he cried and I I fretted that I cried; I didn’t know what was wrong with either of us. It was the most wonderfully confusing, tiring, crazy time of my life. But then, life changed. Everything changed.

At two months old, Xavier was jaundice, and to cut a long story short we ended up seeing a consultant at the hospital on Boxing day when as a belated Christmas gift I was told that my perfect baby boy needed to be tested for Down’s Syndrome.

There was a moment where the colour of parenthood I’d been living turned black and white. I didn’t know what it meant; I didn’t have any experience so all I could think of was darkness and doom. Everywhere I looked I saw prejudice, the worst thing was that prejudice was mine.

I was informed on New Year’s Eve that Xavier had tested positive for Down’s Syndrome. In a phone call whereby the consultant told me there was good news and bad news. The good news was that my son had a gall bladder (really good news? I didn’t even know that was). The bad news was that he had Down’s Syndrome.

I shut down. As blackness descended I really didn’t know if I would cope; for some unknown reason I saw a bleak future; for him and for me. I fed my baby, I bathed him, I held him, and I wept. The worst thing was that after the diagnosis l I looked at my two-month-old baby and I saw a stranger. I will never forgive myself for that.

Luckily I pulled myself out of the gloom fairly quickly. I was feeding Xavier one night and I looked at him and I thought ‘I know you.’ And I did. He was the same baby I had carried for nine months, the same baby I gave birth to, the baby I was breastfed and adored.
It was as if everything had changed but nothing had changed.

Five years down the line, we are a tight little unit. I love my boy more than ever and he is positively thriving. All the images I had of Down’s Syndrome (my outdated prejudices) have largely been dispelled. I have a very bright, strong-willed, funny, anti-social, gorgeous son. One who reminds me in so many ways of myself. I’m not saying there hasn’t been challenges, but show me a parent who says parenting is easy and I’ll show you one who has a full time nanny.

I happen to be a single mum, my child happens to have Down’s Syndrome. But first and foremost I am simply a mum, doing my best to love and nurture my child. And that is exactly how I want to be seen.



Motherhood is different for all of us… if you’d like to share your thoughts, why not join our Writing Network & start posting?

Tweet the author @FaithBleasdale

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

Faith Bleasdale is a writer and single mother. She has one son, Xavier who is five years old. He happens to have Down's Syndrome, but is a bright, strong individual. They live together in North Devon where they enjoy the both beach an Country life. Faith is the author of several novels and her most recent book Happily Ever After is about motherhood and her life with Xavier. Check out her fab blog, Winning Hands Down.

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media