SINGER. ACTRESS. MOTHER. POPCORN LOVER.

Gemma Knight Jones - 29 Mar 18

The title of this post is a title I use across a lot of my socials and until becoming a mother I’d have said, these are some of the things I am – in no particular order.  Now there is an order to them.  I am a mother over and above them all.  Kind of a new mother and I wear my newish title with a huge amount of pride.  A year into this job of being mother has taught me more about myself than my previous 35 have.  It is far from pretty at times, it is painful emotionally and physically and it stings (your eyes from lack of sleep) but it is glorious, empowering and too massive a beautiful feeling to put into words.

I run my own small vocal services business.  I juggle running a household, with going to acting auditions, (sometimes with baby in tow) gigging and teaching music part time.  Every time I sort out a babysitter so I can work, get two loads of washing on before midday, get some vocal practise in, change my bed sheets, send a business email or two… I give myself a little high five.  Its funny because when you tell people you’re a “performer” you see that look in their eye that says, wow you’ve got one of those abstract, not really real, that’s just a hobby jobs.  Their mouths are aghast at how you manage it WITH A KID!

Well, yes, I do!  And I do it because I don’t know how to do anything else.  Being a self-employed work nomad is what I know and I haven’t let being a mother change that.  In fact, being a mother among the rest has taught me that I am stronger than I feel at times.  It has made an already decent multi tasker into a bloody great one.  It has made clearer what I want from my immediate future and I feel so much more determined to get it now.  I am happy and if I am happy, my son is happy too.

Please don’t get me wrong I haven’t said it is easy.  There are a hundred valid excuses I could use as to why this lifestyle no longer suits my family situation but giving up isn’t something I do lightly.  Instead, I find myself working harder (though definitely slower) to get where I still want to be.  I love what I do and maybe that’s the key?

I said at the beginning of this post that being a mother is my top priority but so too is being ME.  If I promise anything to myself, it is not to forget that and to not stop working on me.   Me the singer.  Me the actress. Me the popcorn lover.  Me the…all the things I am and still dream of being.  I practise self-care.  I know what I need to do to keep my fires lit and I work hard to keep them alight.  Maybe I am “winging it” a bit more than I used to, but I also know that every job I do now book, feels sooooo much more important to me because I’ve done it alongside doing the most important job in the world.  My toe nails are not polished, my eyebrows are not threaded and my waistline isn’t what it was, but I am still showing up and doing a good job thank you very much.

This post I suppose, is a big pat on the back for all of the self employed, creative, blagger types out there. The women out there who were already juggling plates but now they are mothers too, are still managing to keep those plates in the air and do so with grace, a smile on their face and only a little bit of moaning in between.   I by no means do this mothering thing alone and always give thanks for the tribe of fierce and totally fabulous women I have around me that have led the way.

I am proud of myself.  I am excited about my unconventional and uncertain future.  A friend recently said to me that accepting and sitting in the uncomfortable and unsure feelings about what is ahead of you means you are growing.  I know this to be true because that is the life I successfully lead.  My son is a massive source of comfort and balances out a lot of those sometimes overwhelming feelings – and the rest has become the cherry on the cake!

Gemma Knight Jones

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