Singing my way out of the baby blues…

Sunita Harley - 25 May 16

We’ve just said bye to Mental Health Awareness week and around this time last year I arrived home with a fresh newborn baby girl. So it feels like a good time to share my little story about how I said bye to the baby blues and hello to the sunshine. Since having our first baby and being lucky enough that IVF worked for us, I’ve now become super-open about that rocky journey and other tough times we’ve come across. Being open has also given others the chance to share their own stories of anxiety or depression (what I like to call the low-times). One thing I know is that true friends and family really don’t judge you as they’re too busy worrying about you, wishing you lucky things and wanting your life to be ok. So this is probably going to be one of the most heartfelt posts I ever write. With two miracles appearing after years of anguish dealing with the fertility roller coaster, how on earth could I have been suffering from the baby blues? Surely, I must have been one of the happiest ladies on this earth. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly was.

Since Toddler Munch was born nearly 3 years ago, I thank her every bedtime for choosing me to be her mummy. She gave me something I really didn’t think I’d ever have. Over the years, I never thought I’d get to change nappies for our own babies or hear a little person say “Mummy you’re my best friend’. I adored our new baby Munch and fell in love with her more every hour. We had given Toddler Munch a sisterly friend for life. Someone to play with, argue over who’s wearing which shoes and maybe a travel companion to explore the world one day.

So what happened last Summer and how did the baby blues come about? I guess I may never know exactly why. That’s the tough thing about any kind of low-times. For me, it could have been a mix of things with hormones moving in all kinds of directions. A few months before Baby Munch was born, we moved to a new area and Toddler Munch was of course trying out some new meltdowns (hmm, she probably gets the strong-minded bit from her mummy).

Being independent as a mum, a wife or as ‘just me’ is pretty important. A couple of months after the birth of our first baby, I remember the first night out on my own heading to my friend’s birthday dinner. The tube wasn’t working so I had to get a cab, driving from north to south London. I enjoyed every moment as I watched the memory-filled streets of London and remembered the small things why me and Mr H love this city so much. I was worried about being on the other side of London but it was my first proper ‘me-treat‘ and dose of  ‘me-time’. A chance to reflect on how lucky I was to finally be a mummy who was getting to see her friends. Plus, I may even get to have a proper (non-kitchen or lounge-based) dance later that night.

Last Summer things felt very different. I wasn’t able to get out on my own that much. Mr H was super supportive but Baby Munch was not interested in taking the bottle; she just wanted me. So bottle refusal from early weeks limited my independence, something I really valued with our first. Also, as I was busy with work before the due date I hadn’t thought much about making friends in the new area before starting maternity leave. I also didn’t think I need to. I already had lots of friends a short drive away. Most of my old NCT crew moved to different places but we were always in touch. So why would I need any more friends when I had some great ones already?

Hello sunshine…Then during the newborn days last Summer, Mr H spotted that I wasn’t quite myself. Maybe because the sun was shining and I wasn’t getting out about. We had one of the hottest weathers last Summer but I didn’t get to enjoy it like my last maternity leave. So the fact I wasn’t outdoors enough could have been a cause. Funny as some people think that if the sun is shining then we must all be happy. Maybe because I wasn’t as social and interested in making new friends when I love chatting and meeting new people wherever we are! I have friends and close ones who suffer from depression, so I was a bit self-aware of how I was feeling and especially during any low-times.

Time for a nap….I was so committed to getting sleep during the day whilst Baby M napped, I didn’t go out for as many buggy walks even around the block. I forgot that most newborns would sleep anywhere and love buggy motion. I told myself it’s better to sleep whilst I could. Yes, in the newborn days sleep as a mummy and daddy is critical. But it’s equally important to get the right balance with other things that are also good for you.

Music is my sanctuary...One major thing I noticed about myself last Summer was that I wasn’t listening to music everyday. My first maternity leave was full of tunes. With Big Munch, the radio was either on in the kitchen, music video channels on the TV in the lounge, music was on when the mums crew came round (whether Elmo or Robin Thicke), or Spotify playlists shuffling in the bedroom. At times, I’d even get to play a record or two on our decks with our first baby in the sling or when she was bopping away in the Jumperoo. So it was a huge realisation that music was missing from my daily routine as a mummy and the daily routine as ‘me’.

Outfit love…Another thing I noticed was that I wasn’t quite dressing as me. Anyone who knows my Lucky Things Instagram can see how much I love accessories and colour-filled outfits. I found myself wearing more plain functional clothes but for me they weren’t bright enough and felt too much of an uniform. Even at work I always make sure I’m in clothes I really love, ones that give me confidence and brighten my day. Last Summer I wasn’t having fun making up new outfits and getting out my favourite weekend garms. So as an emergency treat, I found a £4 bright coral coloured vest from the supermarket (also a reason to get out with the buggy). It became one of my staple summer and autumn items. To match, the coral nail varnish came out. I pulled out my favourite earrings and scarves. I was feeling better already.

Wheels, sling and automobiles?…Travel also played an interesting part during the baby blues period. It was far easier to jump in the car to pick up Toddler Munch from nursery when I really should have walked with the buggy or Baby Munch could have snuggled up in the sling. But at the time I was focused on being practical and getting Toddler Munch home as soon as possible. My best friend Mummy A told me that I had to get out each day for a buggy walk, even for a quick one, and some fresh air was better than none. The exposure to daylight may have also helped baby Munch to sleep better at night.

Time to meet more friends...With my first baby 3 years ago I built a solid network of friends and newbie mums in our old area. It was so easy. I’d make friends on the bus, at the health centre and happily walk up to mums down our road to introduce myself. I even organised a mums and babe Macmillan coffee morning. We were lucky to have been part of the funniest NCT groups we could imagine where we grew together as grown-ups winging it through parenting.

My mother-in-law was really in-tune with my baby blues. She’d keep an eye on me from afar every day, sending me gentle non-intrusive texts asking “how’s your day been?” or “have you done anything nice today?” It then came the time for her to give me some more direct advice. Baby Munch was about 6 weeks old. She said “I know you already have lots of friends but it’s time for you to just go a local baby group, just go to one and see if you like it. You need to meet some local mums”. So I found a NCT Bumps and Babies group at the local library, plus it was the next day. So setting myself a goal for tomorrow, I promised myself I’d go along.

I turned up and by chance met two mums who had kids in the same nursery class as Toddler Munch. Result! They both knew what it was like to have two little ones and we could easily chat about the daily struggles and funny moments. It was cute our toddlers already knew each other. Who would have known my 2 year old would be helping me to build my new mummy network?! A few days later, I messaged the Mummy S and Mummy H to see if they fancied popping to our local cafe. I forgot how easy it was to catch up with people and at short notice. Another mum walked in and I started chatting to her too. It turned out she was also new to the area so we quickly exchanged numbers. I strongly believe one positive thing does lead to another and Mummy R soon hooked me up with her own mums crew. So within a few weeks I’d managed to build a nice local mummy network with the help of a few intros.

It was also good to think of “one thing a day” I was going to do to brighten up the next day. Something I recommend even if you’re not going through baby blues or any kinds of low-times. I was back as Mummy S, getting out and about, feeling brighter in what I was wearing and starting a new playlist for maternity leave with Baby Munch. Now I’m listening to that same playlist on the way to and from work and the tunes always remind me of how I moved on from the baby blues.

A little favour if you don’t mind. The more we share stories about the baby blues, post-natal depression or any kind of low-times, the less mummies, daddies, friends and families will feel isolated. Hopefully, sharing this story will encourage others to seek help so they can sing their own way out of the blues. Enjoy Lucky Things….

Sunita Harley

A London mummy of two little IVF girls. My blog is about enjoying lucky things as we explore life and style with our little ones. I know my main job as mummy is to make my two girls giggle each day. I rarely leave home without accessories (usually gold or sparkly), bright colours and my headphones. Music is my me-time and takes me back to my DJ-ing days. Don't mix my name up with an 80s pop star as I love it that I have a bit of sun in my name. Enjoy Lucky Things...

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