Sisterhood of the judgypants

Fckitmum - 11 Feb 16

I have a confession to make.

I wear big pants sometimes (OK well ALL the time, seriously why did I think thongs were comfortable?!) but these special pants, not for every day mind, are what I like to call my ‘judgypants’. Now before you all start throwing missiles of stale pita with congealed hummus at me, hear me out. These judgypants are the good kind. Not the give you a wedgie and make you walk like John Wayne type. What? There is a difference you cry? Yes there is.

To judge is something is bandied around in parenthood circles a lot as a negative, and I can see why. We are often chided for even daring to judge and think negatively about someone else’s  parenting tactics, in an effort to be seen as ‘we are all in it together’. But the reality is that you don’t have to agree with everyone’s take on things, and that is OK. If we were all the same then parenting would be boring and not a challenge and we would be raising a bunch of mini identical robots rather than the motley crew that will be taking over this world.

Taking the definition from good old Oxford to judge means ‘Form an opinion or conclusion about’. It doesn’t mean to form a negative opinion nor does it mean to form a negative opinion and be a dick about it. As a parent I look around me, and people that I come across and I freely admit that I judge – not all the time but I do do it. I judge whether how they are handling a situation would be right for me, I judge as to whether what I am doing is something that I am comfortable with. I take the information absorb from those around me (in person or virtually) and critically assess this as to whether its something that I think is a good idea and something that I should try or something that in the words of Amy Poehler is ‘good for her but not for me‘. For example these are things that I have come across in the last 18 months and judge that hell, this is something that works for me:

• Cosleeping
• Bottle feeding / expressing
• Putting my child to bed in their clothes if I cannot be arsed to change them (this was a genius revelation!)
• Ditto with putting myself to bed in my clothes if I cant be arsed to change

Things I have judged to not be something that I am into:

• Controlled crying
• Restricting refined sugar from her diet
• Use of the naughty step

We all have things that we have judged to be right for us and wrong for us. That doesn’t mean that its not right for someone else or wrong for someone else – just that we are all different and most importantly our kids are all different therefore there is no one size fits all approach. I implore you to look around and take what you can from other parents. Judge away. Critically assess what is right and wrong for you, take tips from your fellow comrades going through this journey at the same time, and have conviction in what you have judged to be the best choices for you.

Just don’t judge that your way is the best and only way and be a dick about it, because that’s not cool – OK?

Fckitmum

Gin expert I Little person keeper alive-er I Master of #fckitparenting I Occasional blogger

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