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Sleep Monster

1
Now I’m not normally one to have a whinge about lack of sleep – I understood when I signed up that it would be something I would lose into the black hole of mothering. Y’know the one, that gaping maw that swallowed your dignity, ALL of your spare time and the ability to wear certain types of jeans, that one.
However we’ve been away this weekend and it seems there has been a conspiracy to ensure I do not sleep. Again, not usually a whinger, I did 7 months of waking every 3 hours to breastfeed with the girl child and was ‘fine’ – she is our last
SelfishMother.com
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baby so it helped to offset the general confusion and slight fear that comes with knowing you really should sleep more as you may leave the front door open when you go out or leave one of your children at pre-school (fun fact – it wasn’t the one that actually went to pre-school)…
So uncomfortable bed and weird pillow shape – check, children that talk in their sleep like drunks – check, mind racing about my first sort of job in 6 years – check, husband snoring – check, husband farting – check, mind racing about how I could block husbands holes –
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check, mind racing about lack of sleep – yeah, there it is.
I know all of the tricks – don’t look at a screen, herbal tea, breathing in for 4 out for 8, relax from your toes to the tip of your nose yada yada yada but sometimes it’s just not happening. I long to be able to switch off, to close my eyes and breathe deeply two times before falling so asleep there’s a risk of drowning in the drool pooling around my slack jawed face…
So at some ridiculous hour in the morning, when 10 (who am I kidding, 20) years ago I would have been rolling in the
SelfishMother.com
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door with aching feet and a strong desire for chips, I am finally, finally drifting off, speeding like Mo Farah towards R.E.M, when…
‘Mummmmyyyyyyyyy’
FFS
The upshot being I haven’t slept. Sometimes our kids wake in the night, sometimes I struggle to fall asleep, sometimes I wake up for no reason and can’t go back to sleep, meh meh meh. There’s nothing special about last night but I am grumpy and I fancied a whinge so I thought I’d write about it.
The irony is I’m writing about it at 11 o’clock at night, staring at a screen, with
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Amazon Prime on in the corner and my headphones on – literally my own worst enemy.
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- 2 May 18

Now I’m not normally one to have a whinge about lack of sleep – I understood when I signed up that it would be something I would lose into the black hole of mothering. Y’know the one, that gaping maw that swallowed your dignity, ALL of your spare time and the ability to wear certain types of jeans, that one.
However we’ve been away this weekend and it seems there has been a conspiracy to ensure I do not sleep. Again, not usually a whinger, I did 7 months of waking every 3 hours to breastfeed with the girl child and was ‘fine’ – she is our last baby so it helped to offset the general confusion and slight fear that comes with knowing you really should sleep more as you may leave the front door open when you go out or leave one of your children at pre-school (fun fact – it wasn’t the one that actually went to pre-school)…
So uncomfortable bed and weird pillow shape – check, children that talk in their sleep like drunks – check, mind racing about my first sort of job in 6 years – check, husband snoring – check, husband farting – check, mind racing about how I could block husbands holes – check, mind racing about lack of sleep – yeah, there it is.
I know all of the tricks – don’t look at a screen, herbal tea, breathing in for 4 out for 8, relax from your toes to the tip of your nose yada yada yada but sometimes it’s just not happening. I long to be able to switch off, to close my eyes and breathe deeply two times before falling so asleep there’s a risk of drowning in the drool pooling around my slack jawed face…
So at some ridiculous hour in the morning, when 10 (who am I kidding, 20) years ago I would have been rolling in the door with aching feet and a strong desire for chips, I am finally, finally drifting off, speeding like Mo Farah towards R.E.M, when…
‘Mummmmyyyyyyyyy’
FFS
The upshot being I haven’t slept. Sometimes our kids wake in the night, sometimes I struggle to fall asleep, sometimes I wake up for no reason and can’t go back to sleep, meh meh meh. There’s nothing special about last night but I am grumpy and I fancied a whinge so I thought I’d write about it.
The irony is I’m writing about it at 11 o’clock at night, staring at a screen, with Amazon Prime on in the corner and my headphones on – literally my own worst enemy.

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Mum to a kind soulful boy child and a crazy happy girl child. Married to a gorgeous workaholic. I love my friends, gin, shopping, being outside, bed, TV, cashmere, food and laughing...

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