Smugness – the folly of a novice mum

SassyB - 30 May 17

We said it quietly at first, almost just a whisper.

“How long has it been?”

“I think this is day three…”

“Ok. Don’t tell anyone else for now.”

Then we’d say it again, slightly more confidently.

“How long now?”

“A week. It’s been a full week.”

“Excellent. Keep it under your hat though, just in case.”

Before, finally, someone asked me outright: “How is he sleeping?”

And in my folly, in my utter foolishness, I gloated: “We’re on our tenth consecutive night of him going down at seven and not waking up again until half six!” Smug smile, probably followed up with a self-righteous little hair flick too.

Oh, how stupid I am. Novice mum with no clue that after 14 months of a night-waking baby, two weeks of sleeping through means nothing. NOTHING. We’d neither “cracked it” nor “got it nailed” as me and the other half had tentatively discussed a couple of nights previously. In fact we were probably closer to the truth when I (half) jokingly started talking about more babies and he responded that this one had broken him.

I blame daylight savings, mostly. If it wasn’t so flipping light at 4.45am it would be a lot easier to get him back to sleep in his cot at that ridiculous hour (yes, I do have a blackout blind. No, it clearly does not work). I also blame the horrendous cold that has plagued him for about a week now and subsequently the many remedies we’ve tried to help him breathe at night, which DO NOT WORK. And I blame CBeebies iplayer for not actually engaging my wide-awake boy at all so I can at least sit silently staring into space until normal people o’clock. So we had to play at 5am. And by play I mean get battered repeatedly in the face with a tiny plastic roast chicken and have snot smeared all over my sofa.

I should also know by now that a sleepless night/super early start is usually the trigger for a generally shitastic crapfest of a morning. It’s just the law of the universe. So after a couple of wake-ups and the day starting pre-5am, this particular morning also included a sobbing six-year-old, having to tackle rush hour traffic TWICE after getting to work and spotting the car seat in my car (while baby still at home with dad), cancelling a night with friends because I knew I’d want to go to bed by 7pm, and frantically trying to find childcare for said sobbing six-year-old after realising she really was poorly and not just overtired.

It felt like I’d done a full day by 9am all because in one giddy I’ve-had-eight-straight-hours-sleep moment, I’d forgotten the cardinal rule of parenthood: you’re not the one in charge. I’d dared to glory in my new-found restfulness and the baby came back to bite me on the bum with it.

Well, lesson learned. Never again will I proudly – no, smugly – declare that my child is sleeping through. Those gloaty words won’t even enter my mind, let alone come out of my mouth. The baby has definitely shown me who is boss and it is 100% not me; the smug, novice mum.

SassyB

Mum to one and step-mum to another, working and living in the Midlands. I used to write about other people, now I'm trying my hand at writing about myself. Pretty much only had a baby so I could dress someone up in a costume at least once a week...

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