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You’ll change they said.
You’ll have different priorities they said.
You’ll see the world as a different place they said.
All while I, heavily pregnant, politely listened and sipped my drink, hoping that we could swiftly move the conversation onto something more exciting than someone glazing over wistfully musing about how parenting has changed their lives.
Even when the postnatal haze engulfed me, I was resolute – this parenting shit was not going to change me. I was still ME. I still had my needs and wants and plans for the future. I was
SelfishMother.com
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strong, I was going to Have. It. All.
Trundling back to work at 3.5 months, by choice, I felt empowered ready to move forward with my self mapped ambitious career trajectory at the hurtling speed that I had experienced before.
Things were great, I was happy, this was exactly what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be.
Then one morning I woke up feeling different (and no, it wasn’t because I had a rare night of more than two hours unbroken sleep in a row). I can’t pin point exactly when this change occurred but around 18 months after the
SelfishMother.com
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fateful day in which a small being was evicted from my body, I found myself in a place in which I never expected myself to be.
I have changed.
I have different priorities.
I see the world differently.
I felt like a failure. Like I had let myself down. Like I had let my fellow high flying career mothers down. I no longer wanted to rapidly climb the corporate ladder. I no longer wanted to spend the next X years in unfulfilled job just as a stepping stone to the next bigger and better thing. I no longer wanted to work a million hours a day.
I
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want to focus the next few years on being in a steady state career wise. I want to go to work and feel like I am actually doing something that is worth not being at home for. I want to be able to get home and snuggle on the sofa with my baby, while she still is a baby, drinking in her smell while trying to avoid having fingers shoved up my nose and in my ears.
I still want to go places. I still want to reach the top. I still want to Have. It. All. But I now, whether I like it or not, have a different path to take to get there being a parent. And after
SelfishMother.com
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a few months of soul searching I can finally say that I am in a place where I am ok with that. And actually, this is the path that I was meant to be on all along.
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Fckitmum - 28 Jan 16
You’ll change they said.
You’ll have different priorities they said.
You’ll see the world as a different place they said.
All while I, heavily pregnant, politely listened and sipped my drink, hoping that we could swiftly move the conversation onto something more exciting than someone glazing over wistfully musing about how parenting has changed their lives.
Even when the postnatal haze engulfed me, I was resolute – this parenting shit was not going to change me. I was still ME. I still had my needs and wants and plans for the future. I was strong, I was going to Have. It. All.
Trundling back to work at 3.5 months, by choice, I felt empowered ready to move forward with my self mapped ambitious career trajectory at the hurtling speed that I had experienced before.
Things were great, I was happy, this was exactly what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be.
Then one morning I woke up feeling different (and no, it wasn’t because I had a rare night of more than two hours unbroken sleep in a row). I can’t pin point exactly when this change occurred but around 18 months after the fateful day in which a small being was evicted from my body, I found myself in a place in which I never expected myself to be.
I have changed.
I have different priorities.
I see the world differently.
I felt like a failure. Like I had let myself down. Like I had let my fellow high flying career mothers down. I no longer wanted to rapidly climb the corporate ladder. I no longer wanted to spend the next X years in unfulfilled job just as a stepping stone to the next bigger and better thing. I no longer wanted to work a million hours a day.
I want to focus the next few years on being in a steady state career wise. I want to go to work and feel like I am actually doing something that is worth not being at home for. I want to be able to get home and snuggle on the sofa with my baby, while she still is a baby, drinking in her smell while trying to avoid having fingers shoved up my nose and in my ears.
I still want to go places. I still want to reach the top. I still want to Have. It. All. But I now, whether I like it or not, have a different path to take to get there being a parent. And after a few months of soul searching I can finally say that I am in a place where I am ok with that. And actually, this is the path that I was meant to be on all along.
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Gin expert I Little person keeper alive-er I Master of #fckitparenting I Occasional blogger