Social Media Helped Me Find ‘Me’

Mamathriftstyle - 17 Aug 16

With the exception of a few unfortunate very sick days (on our belated honeymoon no less!), occasional nausea and some persistent heartburn, I was fortunate to experience a straightforward and actually quite enjoyable pregnancy overall.

This was a huge relief given that I had suffered with Tokophobia (fear of childbirth) for as long as I can remember. I appreciate that I am not alone in being (naturally) quite terrified of labour and birth and that pre-delivery-day jitters are clearly justifiable as a first-timer. On chatting to others, however, my fears seemed somehow more significant. I’d find discussing ‘the main event’ stressful to the extent that I’d feel my heart racing, my palms sweating and I’d do anything to divert the conversation. I met the mere suggestion of watching ‘One Born Every Minute’ with a nervous chuckle as if to say “don’t be so ridiculous!” At the height of my anxiety, I even contemplated not becoming a mother at all.

Sadly, my fears were justified in that following a calm and reasonably textbook (according to my NCT class) first stage, it all seemed to go wrong from there and my (half-hearted attempt at) hypnobirthing and serene demeanour disappeared along with my contractions and midwife-led delivery. Without going into details (I’ll save that for another post!), I felt like I’d lost any control I’d had over my baby’s arrival and that my body had, in some ways failed me. I was not prepared for the violent, brutal and violating experience of childbirth in spite of all I had done (reading books/blogs, NCT, midwife sessions, hypnobirthing CD’s, endless discussions) to cure my Tokophobia.

4 days after the safe arrival of my healthy, beautiful daughter I found myself sobbing in the bath, wondering what on earth had happened to me and what I had done to myself.

Fast forward around five months into my life as a new mum when a revived ‘me’ began to emerge. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my daughter and being her mum, but due to incredibly challenging early weeks with a baby that couldn’t feed, my first weeks of motherhood were less than idyllic! My body had, at this point, begun to resemble its previous shape (although not yet size!) and my confidence began to increase.

5 months a mum

I attribute this renewed confidence and emergence of my former self, in part, to social media. Naively, I bought several actual books at the end of my pregnancy thinking that I’d do loads of reading whilst breastfeeding in those first hazy, blissful weeks. I did not. Instead, (thanks to the ease and accessibility of reading on my phone) I found a new online community of mothers, mumbloggers and real mums to ease my anxieties and reassure me that a) I was doing fine and b) that I could still dress and feel like myself, the woman, not a post-natal new-mumsy mess.

I vowed to join them in their positive, sisterly, in-it-together outlook and began a new Instagram account for myself, documenting my style journey into new motherhood.

Giving me this focus (however superficial) has enabled me to rediscover my love of clothes and shape my adapted identity as a wife, sister, daughter, niece, friend, teacher, colleague, creative, designer/maker, woman, and now mother and blogger.

It is now 9 months since my daughter was born and I have just made my (well-dressed!) return to work. I am well aware that there’s a lot of Insta-rubbish and online fakery out there too (overly edited, curated and controlled, mega filtered fake super mums I’m looking at you!) and a fellow new mum shared a meme with me that read: “We’re all losing our shit, some just hide it better than others”, but I feel eternally grateful to the online mums who have shown me how to be the best version of myself on this new and challenging but incredibly rewarding and exciting journey. Thank-you.

Mamathrift

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Mamathriftstyle

Creative. Mother. Teacher. Maker. Clothes addict. Stylish mama.

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