close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

Spoon or Scotch Bonnet: Which Friend are You?

1
I don’t mind telling you that my life is ever-so-slightly crap right now.  It’s no one thing, one of those times we all have, with endless frustrations and challenges that at times seem like an avalanche to try to overcome.

A few years ago that would have meant pity-partying at home.  In the bath.  In shades.  With Gin.  And maybe some Valium and a little Sylvia Plath for comfort, but things are different now.

Actually, I’m lying, it still totally means that but now I’m only allowed to do it for a little while. After years in the

SelfishMother.com
2
social wilderness (by choice, I’m not a pariah I’ll have you know), I now have delightful friends, none of whom will accept my self-pity for longer than necessary, which is a Very Good Thing.

Indeed, appreciating the oncoming *friend-tervention* has gotten me thinking about the value of those friendships.

So with all my funny, fearless tribe in mind, I’ve compiled the ‘must-have’ list of friends every woman needs and how to make them.  Any resemblance to real life characters is strictly coincidental.

The Warm Mug of Tea:

The first

SelfishMother.com
3
port of call in a storm, this is the friend you need when life’s waves are tossing you around too much to think.

Warm, strong and eternally calming, she’ll sit you down, be a comforting, undemanding presence and leave you feeling better able to cope with a cuddle and a few sincere words.

The Cackler:

I don’t advocate being a bitch, but sometimes having to be endlessly kind and ‘naice’ (blah) gets bloody dull, so we all need that one wonderful mate who will gossip with impunity, leaving you screeching with completely undignified

SelfishMother.com
4
hilarity at her innate ability to cut through life’s bullshit right to the hilarious realities of life.

The Spoon:

So-called not because of an ‘90’s insult, but because she is, in fact, as blunt as the proverbial. A lot of people find this character tough but I love her and you should too.

Honest to a fault you’ll always know where you stand with her.  And you’ll NEVER leave the house in a skirt that makes you look like the back end of a bus – result!

The Lifelong Love:

You’ve seen one another through dodgy perms and dodgier

SelfishMother.com
5
men and know one another inside out.

Despite life’s changes, you still need one another and even if you don’t speak daily, as soon as you do you are both 17 again, hating on your hard-done-by ‘rents and being the family the other one chose.

The Scotch Bonnet:

The pocket rocket who packs a punch, this friend’s energy and drive will leave you breathless, whilst inspiring you to go further, faster than you ever dreamed you could.  Constantly on the go, she’s usually juggling career, kids and friendships furiously.

Usually has a sense

SelfishMother.com
6
of humour to kill for but woe betides you if you piss her off.  Although, if you do, don’t worry too much, she’ll have forgotten about it by tomorrow!  You’d better hope so at least because she’s usually the one planning the nights out!

The Eeyore:

Endlessly kind but definitely the least positive one – and that’s a very good thing.  Sometimes we all need to chill with someone who is NEVER going to utter the words ‘things could be worse’.  Instead, she’ll tell you all the VERY worst things she knows HAVE happened.

She loves

SelfishMother.com
7
you enough to not need to fill you full of platitudes and you love her enough to know that behind her occasional lapses into negativity is a woman with a heart of gold.

The Mary Poppins

Perfectly pristine and always immaculate, this is the one we all aspire to, as a result of her ever-swanlike ability to remain calm, serene and perfectly presented.

Never judgy, instead she comes with mountains of tips and advice on time management, clothing maintenance and the BEST recommendations for restaurants, salons, and cleaners.  Sigh…. when we grow

SelfishMother.com
8
up, we want to be her.

The Gin Fizz:

A.K.A The party princess.  You can be seriously miserable and totally unprepared for a night out, but she’ll drag your mardy arse out anyway and before you know it, it’s three in the morning, and you’re clutching a bottle of Chardonnay whilst on top of a table, singing ‘All by myyyysellllflffffffff like Bridget Jones on acid’.

Three days later and you still have no idea where your bra went, and you’re not entirely certain your husband will ever talk to you again.  But don’t you feel

SelfishMother.com
9
better?

The Matriarch:

The perennial mother.  She’ll give solid advice, coupled with hearty food and tuck in your t-shirts at the same time.

Steady, kind and completely unflappable.  She’ll have a laugh but you know you’re getting carried home at a sensible time with the Matriarch – and she’ll wait while you go in too, even though you’re 34!

The Hot Mess:

She never looks anything more than five minutes out of bed, life is permanently a crisis and you suspect she is about three Prosecco’s away from rehab.

She’ll need

SelfishMother.com
10
you to remind her constantly about school dates, but she’ll make you laugh and she’ll never judge your love of a piglet onesie.

You might have one friend who typifies all these, or you might have all these friends.  You might be one yourself, or you can be all, just to different people.

I suppose my point is, from parenting woes, through financial oh no’s, to a family that make the Adam’s clan look middle-of-the-road.  It’s all manageable with your mates.

Go on.  Give ‘em a call.  If mine needs me, I’ll be in the bath!

SelfishMother.com

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 1 Apr 16

I don’t mind telling you that my life is ever-so-slightly crap right now.  It’s no one thing, one of those times we all have, with endless frustrations and challenges that at times seem like an avalanche to try to overcome.

A few years ago that would have meant pity-partying at home.  In the bath.  In shades.  With Gin.  And maybe some Valium and a little Sylvia Plath for comfort, but things are different now.

Actually, I’m lying, it still totally means that but now I’m only allowed to do it for a little while. After years in the social wilderness (by choice, I’m not a pariah I’ll have you know), I now have delightful friends, none of whom will accept my self-pity for longer than necessary, which is a Very Good Thing.

Indeed, appreciating the oncoming *friend-tervention* has gotten me thinking about the value of those friendships.

So with all my funny, fearless tribe in mind, I’ve compiled the ‘must-have’ list of friends every woman needs and how to make them.  Any resemblance to real life characters is strictly coincidental.

The Warm Mug of Tea:

The first port of call in a storm, this is the friend you need when life’s waves are tossing you around too much to think.

Warm, strong and eternally calming, she’ll sit you down, be a comforting, undemanding presence and leave you feeling better able to cope with a cuddle and a few sincere words.

The Cackler:

I don’t advocate being a bitch, but sometimes having to be endlessly kind and ‘naice’ (blah) gets bloody dull, so we all need that one wonderful mate who will gossip with impunity, leaving you screeching with completely undignified hilarity at her innate ability to cut through life’s bullshit right to the hilarious realities of life.

The Spoon:

So-called not because of an ‘90’s insult, but because she is, in fact, as blunt as the proverbial. A lot of people find this character tough but I love her and you should too.

Honest to a fault you’ll always know where you stand with her.  And you’ll NEVER leave the house in a skirt that makes you look like the back end of a bus – result!

The Lifelong Love:

You’ve seen one another through dodgy perms and dodgier men and know one another inside out.

Despite life’s changes, you still need one another and even if you don’t speak daily, as soon as you do you are both 17 again, hating on your hard-done-by ‘rents and being the family the other one chose.

The Scotch Bonnet:

The pocket rocket who packs a punch, this friend’s energy and drive will leave you breathless, whilst inspiring you to go further, faster than you ever dreamed you could.  Constantly on the go, she’s usually juggling career, kids and friendships furiously.

Usually has a sense of humour to kill for but woe betides you if you piss her off.  Although, if you do, don’t worry too much, she’ll have forgotten about it by tomorrow!  You’d better hope so at least because she’s usually the one planning the nights out!

The Eeyore:

Endlessly kind but definitely the least positive one – and that’s a very good thing.  Sometimes we all need to chill with someone who is NEVER going to utter the words ‘things could be worse’.  Instead, she’ll tell you all the VERY worst things she knows HAVE happened.

She loves you enough to not need to fill you full of platitudes and you love her enough to know that behind her occasional lapses into negativity is a woman with a heart of gold.

The Mary Poppins

Perfectly pristine and always immaculate, this is the one we all aspire to, as a result of her ever-swanlike ability to remain calm, serene and perfectly presented.

Never judgy, instead she comes with mountains of tips and advice on time management, clothing maintenance and the BEST recommendations for restaurants, salons, and cleaners.  Sigh…. when we grow up, we want to be her.

The Gin Fizz:

A.K.A The party princess.  You can be seriously miserable and totally unprepared for a night out, but she’ll drag your mardy arse out anyway and before you know it, it’s three in the morning, and you’re clutching a bottle of Chardonnay whilst on top of a table, singing ‘All by myyyysellllflffffffff like Bridget Jones on acid’.

Three days later and you still have no idea where your bra went, and you’re not entirely certain your husband will ever talk to you again.  But don’t you feel better?

The Matriarch:

The perennial mother.  She’ll give solid advice, coupled with hearty food and tuck in your t-shirts at the same time.

Steady, kind and completely unflappable.  She’ll have a laugh but you know you’re getting carried home at a sensible time with the Matriarch – and she’ll wait while you go in too, even though you’re 34!

The Hot Mess:

She never looks anything more than five minutes out of bed, life is permanently a crisis and you suspect she is about three Prosecco’s away from rehab.

She’ll need you to remind her constantly about school dates, but she’ll make you laugh and she’ll never judge your love of a piglet onesie.

You might have one friend who typifies all these, or you might have all these friends.  You might be one yourself, or you can be all, just to different people.

I suppose my point is, from parenting woes, through financial oh no’s, to a family that make the Adam’s clan look middle-of-the-road.  It’s all manageable with your mates.

Go on.  Give ‘em a call.  If mine needs me, I’ll be in the bath!

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

Kirsty is the editor of Beyond Fabulous and a digital brand strategist. She enjoys healthy living, regular meditation and knows she is #blessed. Only joking, she's a borderline drunk with a chocolate habit and a waistline growing faster than the national debt. She's quite fun though and she really likes shoes. Oh, and she is the harried owner of two children, two cats, one dog, and a husband.

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media