Those perfect ‘instamoms’

Simone Culkin - 23 May 16

I absolutely love Instagram. I think I prefer it to Facebook. It has everything on there: cute children’s clothes, quirky homeware, gift ideas, good photography and… Instamoms.

Anyone else noticed these people? The ones who casually update a photo of their morning… The scene is thus: each member of the family lying in bed with 3 well turned out children all napping, while a hot (I’m guessing) beverage and Danish pastry are casually placed on the bed (health and safety anyone?). No doubt the pastry was collected on the ‘moms’ bike and placed in the front basket from the local bakery that morning. She’s managed to get all their feet in and taken the image from a height (how else?!).

I scroll through and think imagine if I instagrammed my bedroom now. I could Instagram the scene but it doesn’t include avocado and poached egg on toast and some napping children. It includes a child who’s recently been sick on me. Me with a breast pump frantically trying to get the correct amount of mls of breastmilk for that day, and another child occupied by an iPad who is bare bottomed.

I’m sometimes tempted to Instagram these real scenes, mountains of washing and ironing, my partners discarded pyjamas, a bedside table covered in an array of unarranged items…. But where’s the fun in reality?

My toddler wouldn’t even stay still for a photograph never mind have a nap on our bed and me eat a Danish pastry in peace without ‘sharing’… Never!!!

Why do these people feel the need to do this? Is it because that’s what their life is like? Or because that’s what they want us to think? Actually, are they more insecure than the real people who are sat in their messy bedrooms wondering what time soft play opens, and whether they’ll all be ready before midday?

I once saw a sleeping baby who’s  mother had arranged a heart of flowers around it…. Who has the time for this?!? Is it just me or when your baby has fallen asleep are you running around trying to do the thousand jobs that need completing?

Instamoms are amusing, and I’m secure in the knowledge that they must spend far too much time arranging the children for the photos, and that they probably feel like me after an hour in Tesco with my two year old. But they are also slightly annoying… I just don’t believe them… But then what is Instagram? Is it a source of reality or is it an extension of Facebook, where we look at everyone’s seemingly ‘perfect’ life. Like the couple selfie, even though you know your friend just told you her boyfriend is a lazy sod.

So, piss off instamoms! (Actually don’t because you are a mass source of amusement)

Simone Culkin

Mum to two boys, Moses and Solomon... Making it up as I go along.

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