close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

Stop Telling Me I’m Lucky!

1
I am so tired of being told how grateful I should be for my husband. I hear it all the time. Even my own Grandmother has said it to me. It’s nothing to do with how handsome, intelligent & funny he is or how much he loves me. So what is allegedly so special about my husband?

My husband cooks. He will cook every night unless I want to cook something.
He cooked every night of both my pregnancies because I couldn’t stand the smell of ANYTHING. He also did all the washing up because it grossed me out and the washing cos I was knackered. He did

SelfishMother.com
2
virtually everything around the house.
He does most of the clothes washing.
He does the bins and the litter tray with little or no reminder.
He vacuums when it needs doing and not because I’ve asked.
He gets up with the kids every school day and gives them breakfast and gets one or both of them dressed.
He loves spending time with the kids and spends hours playing with them both.
He drives us everywhere.

I am grateful for ONE thing. I am grateful I met someone who I love to pieces and who feels the same way about me… enough to want to marry

SelfishMother.com
3
me and have babies with me.

As for the rest it though, hmmm……

I love cooking. I did most of the cooking except during my pregnancies both of which I spent the duration sick as a dog. So we BOTH cook.

I was ill as shit during both pregnancies and then I squeezed a watermelon out my foof, had mental breakdowns (PND) and was an emotional & physical wreck both times. He didn’t/wasn’t….cooking is a small price to pay for your wife’s sanity, no?

He washes the clothes but he can’t fold for shit (despite trying) & he has never

SelfishMother.com
4
picked up an iron (although to be fair, I rarely do). He doesn’t BUY any clothes. He doesn’t decide what clothes NEED to be bought and when, what size / season suitability etc. He doesn’t go through the drawers every so often,  take out clothes that don’t fit,  keep them in age-ordered bags to go through later to decide whether they will be charity shop or hand-me-downs.

I’m in charge of making sure we have cat litter and bin liners, which sounds like a good part of the deal except it means I organise ALL THE SHOPPING ALL THE TIME FOR

SelfishMother.com
5
EVERYTHING. It’s mostly me that notes down if we run out of anything then add it to the list, and remember what we need and what we will eat for the rest of the week and if we have enough snacks, toiletries, cleaning products, cat food, bog roll, etc.

He does vacuum but he’s never cleaned our toilet. But that’s ok because I like cleaning the bathroom (freak!) and he’s ok with vacuuming. We’re a team!

He has to wake up before me for work. He’s out of the house by 7.30 so he’s always awake with them in the week. I have the sorry task of

SelfishMother.com
6
getting them actually out of the house (preferably without tantrums which is rare) and to school on time every day. On weekends we take in turns to have lie-ins.

Our household is based on equality. I don’t think that’s luck. That’s how it SHOULD be in the 21st Century. We both work, we both have kids, we both live in the same house.

Each household is different, obviously. I am not dictating here that a man needs to do the dishes for your partnership to be equal. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. If you do the lion’s share of

SelfishMother.com
7
the work but your partner works from 7am to midnight then that’s a different situation to mine and incomparable. And I am not casting judgement on those partnerships either. What works for you, works for you.

But however your relationship works, if it’s different to mine or not, please don’t tell me I’m lucky.

SelfishMother.com
Jess Helicopter

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 19 Mar 19

I am so tired of being told how grateful I should be for my husband. I hear it all the time. Even my own Grandmother has said it to me. It’s nothing to do with how handsome, intelligent & funny he is or how much he loves me. So what is allegedly so special about my husband?

My husband cooks. He will cook every night unless I want to cook something.
He cooked every night of both my pregnancies because I couldn’t stand the smell of ANYTHING. He also did all the washing up because it grossed me out and the washing cos I was knackered. He did virtually everything around the house.
He does most of the clothes washing.
He does the bins and the litter tray with little or no reminder.
He vacuums when it needs doing and not because I’ve asked.
He gets up with the kids every school day and gives them breakfast and gets one or both of them dressed.
He loves spending time with the kids and spends hours playing with them both.
He drives us everywhere.

I am grateful for ONE thing. I am grateful I met someone who I love to pieces and who feels the same way about me… enough to want to marry me and have babies with me.

As for the rest it though, hmmm……

I love cooking. I did most of the cooking except during my pregnancies both of which I spent the duration sick as a dog. So we BOTH cook.

I was ill as shit during both pregnancies and then I squeezed a watermelon out my foof, had mental breakdowns (PND) and was an emotional & physical wreck both times. He didn’t/wasn’t….cooking is a small price to pay for your wife’s sanity, no?

He washes the clothes but he can’t fold for shit (despite trying) & he has never picked up an iron (although to be fair, I rarely do). He doesn’t BUY any clothes. He doesn’t decide what clothes NEED to be bought and when, what size / season suitability etc. He doesn’t go through the drawers every so often,  take out clothes that don’t fit,  keep them in age-ordered bags to go through later to decide whether they will be charity shop or hand-me-downs.

I’m in charge of making sure we have cat litter and bin liners, which sounds like a good part of the deal except it means I organise ALL THE SHOPPING ALL THE TIME FOR EVERYTHING. It’s mostly me that notes down if we run out of anything then add it to the list, and remember what we need and what we will eat for the rest of the week and if we have enough snacks, toiletries, cleaning products, cat food, bog roll, etc.

He does vacuum but he’s never cleaned our toilet. But that’s ok because I like cleaning the bathroom (freak!) and he’s ok with vacuuming. We’re a team!

He has to wake up before me for work. He’s out of the house by 7.30 so he’s always awake with them in the week. I have the sorry task of getting them actually out of the house (preferably without tantrums which is rare) and to school on time every day. On weekends we take in turns to have lie-ins.

Our household is based on equality. I don’t think that’s luck. That’s how it SHOULD be in the 21st Century. We both work, we both have kids, we both live in the same house.

Each household is different, obviously. I am not dictating here that a man needs to do the dishes for your partnership to be equal. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. If you do the lion’s share of the work but your partner works from 7am to midnight then that’s a different situation to mine and incomparable. And I am not casting judgement on those partnerships either. What works for you, works for you.

But however your relationship works, if it’s different to mine or not, please don’t tell me I’m lucky.

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

Jess Helicopter

Jess is a wine-addled, social media tart, Intersectional feminist and chronic over sharer. She lives in Cardiff with her husband, children (G-9/J-5) and some cats. Went to art school but after graduation got sucked into working for "the man". Now trying to claw her creative way out by fancying herself as a bit of writer.

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media